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Passions in Poetry

Men, Women and Triples

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Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 05-27-2008 07:51 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Easy assignment today. Gimme a poem of 10 lines, two four-line stanzas followed by a two-line finale.

The first two lines of the two four-line stanzas need to end in masculine rhymes, the last two lines ending with feminine rhymes, and the couplet at the end ending in triple rhymes.

If you are rhyming words such as "happiness" and "sappiness," you are using what is known as a triple rhyme. The singular rhyme, such as with the words "bee" and "see," is called the masculine rhyme. The double rhyme, for words such as "table" and "cable," is referred to as a feminine rhyme.

Done yet?  


P.S.  If you want to use more than two four-line stanzas, go ahead but use the same format on each stanza.
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


1 posted 05-27-2008 11:34 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

What a funny sight to see,
Monkey’s hanging from my knee.
They are something from a fable,
Covered head to toe with sable.

I’m not sure what’s up with me,
Seeing monkey’s on my knee.
Hit my head upon the table,
Now there’s monkey’s from a fable.

When you run with carelessness,
You’ll end up with craziness.


Marilyn
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since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


2 posted 05-27-2008 11:36 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

I think the last line doesn't work as well as it should.
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


3 posted 05-27-2008 08:16 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Right you are, Marliyn. That's not a valid triple. The last three syllables must rhyme, syllable by syllable. The rest of it is right on, though, and I certainly give you credit for an interesting subject for a poem! I like it!
rachaelfuchsberger
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 02-21-2007
Posts 609
Leesburg, FL, USA


4 posted 07-22-2009 08:37 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

As you can plainly see
Meter is difficult for me
Challenges on the table
Make me wonder if I’m able

To make this meter scheme
Not as difficult as it may seem
I feel quite unstable
For I’ve missed that metric label

I feel so under competent
When my meter is so impotent



Arana Darkwolf
Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


5 posted 07-22-2009 09:15 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Rachael,

I am not sure if you got my IM about this - and God knows, I am not a teacher.  However, one of the first things I had to learn when I came to the Workshop is consistancy of syllable count.  Your lines that rhyme should be the same syllable.  It also helps if you are consistant from stanza to stanza.  This was something I found to be a workable 'fix' when I was at my most discouraged.  It helped to keep my poetry somewhat in line - rather than all over the place.

You are doing good - the most important thing is you are working and trying to learn it.  It's frustrating.  I know this first hand.

Hang in there.

Alison
rachaelfuchsberger
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since 02-21-2007
Posts 609
Leesburg, FL, USA


6 posted 07-22-2009 09:25 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Thanks, Z. I'm lucky to have the support I do here. I'll recount it all. Maybe even write a new one. xoxoxoxo

Arana Darkwolf

rachaelfuchsberger
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 02-21-2007
Posts 609
Leesburg, FL, USA


7 posted 07-22-2009 09:38 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

As you can plainly see
Meter is hard for me
Duties on the table
Thinking I’m not able

To make these meter schemes
Not as hard as it seems
I feel quite unstable
Missing metric label

I feel so under competent
When my meter is impotent
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


8 posted 07-22-2009 11:06 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Rachel, I want you to re-type that  poem, using lower-case type for the syllables you consider to be unaccented and capitals for the accented ones, such as this..

i THINK that I shall NEver SEE
a POEM as LOVEly AS a TREE

Show me where the accents are in your poem, the way you have written it. It will be a good exercize.
Oklahoma Rose
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since 02-28-2008
Posts 1585
Oklahoma USA


9 posted 07-23-2009 09:28 AM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Teacher Sir, they work me so hard at work, I'm brain dead. I don't know if I can even think of a topic.
Balladeer
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10 posted 07-23-2009 09:48 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Don't worry about it, Rose. Work is your livelihood and it comes first. You can't eat poetry

We ain't going nowhere and, whenever you show up, you are welcome!
Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


11 posted 07-23-2009 10:41 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Determined not to be the last
the ermine moved in very fast
pretending everything was fine
descending on the finish line

Competing 'gainst the hare and turtle
some fleeting hope that he could hurtle
stationary objects quickly
save one hairy bump quite prickly

I'd detour 'round 'um or you'll find
Aiyeee's your sound from porcupines!
Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


12 posted 07-23-2009 05:16 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Yeah, ok, I see where I didn't follow directions ( first two lines of each stanza/masculine, second two lines of each stanza/feminine, ending couplet in triples)
I guess my guys and gals went to the fertility clinic and ended up with octuplets! Back to the drawing board.
Doc
Oklahoma Rose
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since 02-28-2008
Posts 1585
Oklahoma USA


13 posted 07-23-2009 08:53 PM       View Profile for Oklahoma Rose   Email Oklahoma Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Oklahoma Rose

Thank you Balladeer! I will try to do the assignments, when I can.
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


14 posted 07-24-2009 10:28 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Appearing nightly as a joke
but nearing point where some might choke
Deserving of a break in grading
he's swerving as his hopes are fading

In bending rules there is one trick
impending booms get lowered quick
necessitating one be faster
lest decimation and disaster

likely'd be predestination
I'd concede me estimation
rachaelfuchsberger
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since 02-21-2007
Posts 609
Leesburg, FL, USA


15 posted 07-25-2009 01:50 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

Ok...so this is horribly off...I should do this for all of my poems so I can check meter BEFORE posting....

As YOU can PLAINly SEE
MetER is HARD for ME
DuTIES on THE taBLE
ThinkING I’m NOT abLE

To MAKE these METer SCHEmes
Not AS hard AS it SEEMS
I FEEL quite UNstaBLE
MissING metRIC labEL

i FEEL so UNder COMpetENT
When MY metER is IMPotENT

Arana Darkwolf

Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
Posts 40647
Realms of Light


16 posted 08-03-2009 04:53 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Hmmm, I thought that this lesson was going to be about menage a trois!

Oh, well, here's my tempered version of my original take on this exercise!

Colours

When skies glow red at night,
It is a welcomed sight.
But when they’re red at morn
A storm will soon be born.

A pretty girl in pink,
~ Will get many a wink.
A guy wearing yellow,
Is a scaredy fellow.

Rainbows, flowers and greenery,
Brighten blue planet's scenery.

LLD

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (08-03-2009 07:49 PM).]

crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


17 posted 08-03-2009 10:29 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Running past the trees,
I feel a cool breeze.
So tired I'm unstable,
Am I really able?

The race I'm in is hard,
Don't let down your guard,
exhausted I am meager,
but to win I must be eager.

getting less inferior.
going towards superior.

Probably broke a few rules ... At least I tried
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


18 posted 08-04-2009 12:56 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Moose, your second attempt is right on.

Earth Angel...go back and read the instructions.

Rachel....meTER? duTIES? Yes, I agree, it is way off.

crosscountry...good try but the meter is way off. You will need to work on that.
crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


19 posted 08-04-2009 01:01 AM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Ugh, yeah I know, I've never been able to get it.  Ever... Any ideas to help me?

Rileigh
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 40647
Realms of Light


20 posted 08-04-2009 01:19 AM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Oooos-a-daisy! I see what you mean! Thanks, Deer One. I'll give it another go.

Colours

When skies glow red at night,
It is a welcomed sight.
But when they’re red at morning
That is a sailor's warning.

A pretty girl in pink,
~ Will get more than a wink.
But a guy wearing yellow,
Is thought a fearful fellow.

Rainbows, flowers, and greenery,
Add colour to the scenery.

LL

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (08-05-2009 06:11 PM).]

crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


21 posted 08-12-2009 09:58 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Geez, I tried to fix the meter in my poem, but it was too hard... I can see now how off the meter was...

Rileigh
Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 05-07-2001
Posts 5297
Netherlands


22 posted 08-21-2009 05:20 PM       View Profile for Titia Geertman   Email Titia Geertman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Titia Geertman's Home Page   View IP for Titia Geertman

Rileigh, a great help to get your meter right, is tapping your feet while reading your poem outloud. At least that helps when it's iambic meter.

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

 
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