Men, Women and Triples - pipTalk Forums

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 05-27-2008 07:51 AM

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Easy assignment today. Gimme a poem of 10 lines, two four-line stanzas followed by a two-line finale.

The first two lines of the two four-line stanzas need to end in masculine rhymes, the last two lines ending with feminine rhymes, and the couplet at the end ending in triple rhymes.

If you are rhyming words such as "happiness" and "sappiness," you are using what is known as a triple rhyme. The singular rhyme, such as with the words "bee" and "see," is called the masculine rhyme. The double rhyme, for words such as "table" and "cable," is referred to as a feminine rhyme.

Done yet?

P.S. If you want to use more than two four-line stanzas, go ahead but use the same format on each stanza.

Marilyn
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since 09-26-1999
Posts 2496
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 05-27-2008 11:34 AM

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What a funny sight to see,
Monkey�s hanging from my knee.
They are something from a fable,
Covered head to toe with sable.

I�m not sure what�s up with me,
Seeing monkey�s on my knee.
Hit my head upon the table,
Now there�s monkey�s from a fable.

When you run with carelessness,
You�ll end up with craziness.

Marilyn
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since 09-26-1999
Posts 2496
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 05-27-2008 11:36 AM

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I think the last line doesn't work as well as it should.

Balladeer
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3 posted 05-27-2008 08:16 PM

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Right you are, Marliyn. That's not a valid triple. The last three syllables must rhyme, syllable by syllable. The rest of it is right on, though, and I certainly give you credit for an interesting subject for a poem! I like it!

rachaelfuchsberger
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since 02-21-2007
Posts 274
Las Vegas, NV, USA

4 posted 07-22-2009 08:37 PM

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As you can plainly see
Meter is difficult for me
Challenges on the table
Make me wonder if I�m able

To make this meter scheme
Not as difficult as it may seem
I feel quite unstable
For I�ve missed that metric label

I feel so under competent
When my meter is so impotent

Arana Darkwolf

Alison

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since 01-27-2008
Posts 4981
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

5 posted 07-22-2009 09:15 PM

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Rachael,

I am not sure if you got my IM about this - and God knows, I am not a teacher. However, one of the first things I had to learn when I came to the Workshop is consistancy of syllable count. Your lines that rhyme should be the same syllable. It also helps if you are consistant from stanza to stanza. This was something I found to be a workable 'fix' when I was at my most discouraged. It helped to keep my poetry somewhat in line - rather than all over the place.

You are doing good - the most important thing is you are working and trying to learn it. It's frustrating. I know this first hand.

Hang in there.

Alison

rachaelfuchsberger
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since 02-21-2007
Posts 274
Las Vegas, NV, USA

6 posted 07-22-2009 09:25 PM

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Thanks, Z. I'm lucky to have the support I do here. I'll recount it all. Maybe even write a new one. xoxoxoxo

Arana Darkwolf

rachaelfuchsberger
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since 02-21-2007
Posts 274
Las Vegas, NV, USA

7 posted 07-22-2009 09:38 PM

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As you can plainly see
Meter is hard for me
Duties on the table
Thinking I�m not able

To make these meter schemes
Not as hard as it seems
I feel quite unstable
Missing metric label

I feel so under competent
When my meter is impotent

Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

8 posted 07-22-2009 11:06 PM

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Rachel, I want you to re-type that poem, using lower-case type for the syllables you consider to be unaccented and capitals for the accented ones, such as this..

i THINK that I shall NEver SEE
a POEM as LOVEly AS a TREE

Show me where the accents are in your poem, the way you have written it. It will be a good exercize.

Oklahoma Rose
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since 02-28-2008
Posts 1210
Oklahoma USA

9 posted 07-23-2009 09:28 AM

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Teacher Sir, they work me so hard at work, I'm brain dead. I don't know if I can even think of a topic.

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

10 posted 07-23-2009 09:48 AM

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Don't worry about it, Rose. Work is your livelihood and it comes first. You can't eat poetry

We ain't going nowhere and, whenever you show up, you are welcome!

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 2770
Bewilderment , USA

11 posted 07-23-2009 10:41 AM

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Determined not to be the last
the ermine moved in very fast
pretending everything was fine
descending on the finish line

Competing 'gainst the hare and turtle
some fleeting hope that he could hurtle
stationary objects quickly
save one hairy bump quite prickly

I'd detour 'round 'um or you'll find
Aiyeee's your sound from porcupines!

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 2770
Bewilderment , USA

12 posted 07-23-2009 05:16 PM

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Yeah, ok, I see where I didn't follow directions ( first two lines of each stanza/masculine, second two lines of each stanza/feminine, ending couplet in triples)
I guess my guys and gals went to the fertility clinic and ended up with octuplets! Back to the drawing board.
Doc

Oklahoma Rose
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since 02-28-2008
Posts 1210
Oklahoma USA

13 posted 07-23-2009 08:53 PM

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Thank you Balladeer! I will try to do the assignments, when I can.

Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 2770
Bewilderment , USA

14 posted 07-24-2009 10:28 AM

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Appearing nightly as a joke
but nearing point where some might choke
Deserving of a break in grading
he's swerving as his hopes are fading

In bending rules there is one trick
impending booms get lowered quick
necessitating one be faster
lest decimation and disaster

likely'd be predestination
I'd concede me estimation

rachaelfuchsberger
Member
since 02-21-2007
Posts 274
Las Vegas, NV, USA

15 posted 07-25-2009 01:50 PM

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Ok...so this is horribly off...I should do this for all of my poems so I can check meter BEFORE posting....

As YOU can PLAINly SEE
MetER is HARD for ME
DuTIES on THE taBLE
ThinkING I�m NOT abLE

To MAKE these METer SCHEmes
Not AS hard AS it SEEMS
I FEEL quite UNstaBLE
MissING metRIC labEL

i FEEL so UNder COMpetENT
When MY metER is IMPotENT

Arana Darkwolf

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 39120
Realms of Light

16 posted 08-03-2009 04:53 PM

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Hmmm, I thought that this lesson was going to be about menage a trois!

Oh, well, here's my tempered version of my original take on this exercise!

Colours

When skies glow red at night,
It is a welcomed sight.
But when they�re red at morn
A storm will soon be born.

A pretty girl in pink,
~ Will get many a wink.
A guy wearing yellow,
Is a scaredy fellow.

Rainbows, flowers and greenery,
Brighten blue planet's scenery.

LLD

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (08-03-2009 07:49 PM).]

crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 208
Trying to save myself

17 posted 08-03-2009 10:29 PM

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Running past the trees,
I feel a cool breeze.
So tired I'm unstable,
Am I really able?

The race I'm in is hard,
Don't let down your guard,
exhausted I am meager,
but to win I must be eager.

getting less inferior.
going towards superior.

Probably broke a few rules ... At least I tried

Balladeer
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Member Seraphic
since 06-05-99
Posts 21239
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

18 posted 08-04-2009 12:56 AM

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Moose, your second attempt is right on.

Earth Angel...go back and read the instructions.

Rachel....meTER? duTIES? Yes, I agree, it is way off.

crosscountry...good try but the meter is way off. You will need to work on that.

crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 208
Trying to save myself

19 posted 08-04-2009 01:01 AM

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Ugh, yeah I know, I've never been able to get it. Ever... Any ideas to help me?

Rileigh

Earth Angel
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since 08-27-2002
Posts 39120
Realms of Light

20 posted 08-04-2009 01:19 AM

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Oooos-a-daisy! I see what you mean! Thanks, Deer One. I'll give it another go.

Colours

When skies glow red at night,
It is a welcomed sight.
But when they�re red at morning
That is a sailor's warning.

A pretty girl in pink,
~ Will get more than a wink.
But a guy wearing yellow,
Is thought a fearful fellow.

Rainbows, flowers, and greenery,
Add colour to the scenery.

LL

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (08-05-2009 06:11 PM).]

crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 208
Trying to save myself

21 posted 08-12-2009 09:58 PM

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Geez, I tried to fix the meter in my poem, but it was too hard... I can see now how off the meter was...

Rileigh

Titia Geertman
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since 05-07-2001
Posts 5052
Netherlands

22 posted 08-21-2009 05:20 PM

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Rileigh, a great help to get your meter right, is tapping your feet while reading your poem outloud. At least that helps when it's iambic meter.

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

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