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Passions in Poetry

Another colorful lesson

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Marge Tindal
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25 posted 05-01-2008 07:30 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal


Delightful reads, all the way down the blackboard~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -             noles1@totcon.com

rachaelfuchsberger
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26 posted 07-21-2009 08:03 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

I have attempted this one in anapestic style...

The Color Purple

Royalty and magic emanate from her gown
As it flows and it flies not touching sullied ground
Monarchy is quite clear though her gown is quite sheer
Men will look women sneer, evíry time she comes near
For her breast is quite supple
When she wears the color purple


Arana Darkwolf
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27 posted 07-22-2009 05:14 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Perhaps you can point out the anapests, miss?


...and, if you ever try to rhyme purple and supple again, you'll be cleaning erasers for a month!
rachaelfuchsberger
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28 posted 07-22-2009 01:39 PM       View Profile for rachaelfuchsberger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachaelfuchsberger

RoyalTY and maGIC emaNATE from her GOWN
As it FLOWS and it FLIES not touchING sullied GROUND
MonarCHY is quite CLEAR though her GOWN is quite SHEER
Men will LOOK women SNEER, evíry TIME she comes NEAR
For her BREAST is quite SUPple
When she WEARS the color PURple


I do apologize for the stretch in rhyme with supple and purple, but there's nothing that rhymes with purple and it's my favorite color! Oh, and I see where the last line fell apart. Ooops! Change that last line to "When she WEARS royal PURple" ~starts clapping erasers together~


Arana Darkwolf

[This message has been edited by rachaelfuchsberger (07-22-2009 02:33 PM).]

Amaryllis
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29 posted 05-31-2010 01:50 AM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

How did you know
how did you think
that cream is pale
and pale to pink,
so like the thought
that washes mood,
when glances small
are misconstrued?
All you asked is
"want some cream"
and now my capillaries
dream,
and shout their joy
in heated rush-
oh. so exposed!
Oh damn this blush!
Amaryllis
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30 posted 05-31-2010 01:51 AM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

How did you know
how did you think
that cream is pale
and pale to pink,
so like the thought
that washes mood,
when glances small
are misconstrued?
All you asked is
"want some cream"
and now my capillaries
dream,
and shout their joy
in heated rush-
oh. so exposed!
Oh damn this blush!
Balladeer
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31 posted 05-31-2010 09:44 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Amaryllis, I welcome you! It's very good to see you here. This is really a brilliant poem. The meter is exact and the wording exceptional.
The only place where the meter deviates is the line "want some cream" where the missing syllable caused me to stumble a bit but it doesn't take away from the power of the piece.

Very nicely done!

(no, you don't get extra credit for posting it twice!)
Amaryllis
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32 posted 06-04-2010 12:27 AM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

No extra credit? Aw! (well it was worth a try~!)  
.
.
Really, thank you so much Balladeer, for your review.. I`m so pleased you liked it.  I find I`m drawn to certain poetry challenges at times.. especially when my muse is MIA.. darn her fickle heart.  Gets the proverbial creative juice a`flowin! heh
.
And sorry for the double-post, truly.. posting from my mobile and it seemed not to go through, so I pounded the `send` button with awful abandon.. =P
.
Best~Amaryllis
Amaryllis
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33 posted 06-04-2010 05:56 PM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

PS, `Deer~
I don`t agree with you on the meter, in the sense that if you read the poem aloud it still continues with the iambs; I think what tripped you up was the enjambment (or lack of), since I wanted the statement to stand alone; I didn`t want to write it as
`all you asked is
"want some cream" and`
because that would cause me to write the next line this way:
`now my capil-
-laries dream`...
sooo.. hm maybe it needs revision in that place~?
(but I must confess I like it the way it is-! heh)    
.
What do you think?
Thank ye kindly..
~Amaryllis
Balladeer
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34 posted 06-04-2010 07:11 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Sorry, miss, I continue to disagree..

All you asked is
"want some cream"
and now my capillaries
dream

If you read that in a single line you will get..

all YOU asked IS WANT some CREAM.

That is not iambic with "is want" together.

Your problem is that you are missing a syllable. "all you asked is want some cream" has 7 syllables. "and now my capillaries dream" has 8, along with every other couplet in the poem. It is a syllable short. Very easy to solve, just add a word at the beginning...

All you ask is
"You want some cream?"

Bingo! Right amount of syllables and perfect iambic.

You like the way it is? That's fine with me! I always say that is your poem and, if you're happy with it, that's the litmus test. I'll stand behind you all the way...even when you're wrong.....like now
Amaryllis
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35 posted 06-04-2010 08:47 PM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

you know.....
.
*tapping chin with finger*
.
I think.......
.
you just might be right...!     
And I know you are!  I see now whatcha yoo sayin`..  and yep.. tis true tis true.  Thank you much, my friend.. may I never stop learning~!  
All best to you~
Amaryllis
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36 posted 06-04-2010 09:26 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Dr.Moose1
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37 posted 06-21-2010 09:24 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

'neath a frosting of foam on a tropical sea
'bove the white sanded shallows incredibly clear
such an eye catching tint surely speaks to the soul
in the language of blue to the poets' trained ear.

In the space between stars deepest indigo flows
in a predawn display that defies certain words
such a shade strikes a chord in the artisans' heart
fashioned fresh in new forms that their voices be heard.

More than this, in the depths of an infinite sky
while ones' thoughts ride along on a wisp of a cloud
dares a dreamer to draw as with sticks in the sand
his own version of blue to be spoken out loud.
Balladeer
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38 posted 06-21-2010 11:51 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

True beauty in your words, Doc.

You created an excellent anapestic poem, sir, that flows like honey - EXCEPT..

Last line, second stanza, you begin trochaic and the flow stumbles badly. The rest of it is so perfect that this line needs a change.

Hey, teachers are always hardest on their best students because they know what they are capable of!

I'll take the misspelling of infinite as a typo
Dr.Moose1
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39 posted 06-21-2010 02:04 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Correct as always most esteemed educator, actually both were typos, as when I went back to my notes I saw that I had transposed the words "fresh" and "in" when transferring them to the blueboards as well as the "a" for the "i".
Note to self, "do not post so hastefully".
Doc
lol , or would that be hastily?

One more note to this post, I must say, flipping to this thread and seeing Marges' name on top brought back many fine memories, she truly graced these pages.
Doc

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (06-21-2010 07:02 PM).]

Balladeer
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40 posted 06-21-2010 07:52 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

That she did, Doc, that she did. She is missed..
Alison
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41 posted 06-22-2010 12:13 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

You know, Moose, I thought the same thing.  She is the one who got me help in this workshop!  Thank you, Balladeer - and always my thanks to Marge.

Amaryllis - I love your poem.  Just fell in love with it.

A
Amaryllis
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42 posted 06-22-2010 12:53 AM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

Thanks Alison        !!
~Am.
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


43 posted 06-22-2010 02:37 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

I think you should re-post your poem in the Open poem site.  It's the only time we can post twice - I always title mine the title (from the Poetry Workshop).  It's like free advertising for more people to join us.  I am working on the song parody and am totally stumped.  It's either sleep on it or hit the old tequila bottle. See you tomorrow.  I am off to bed.



A
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


44 posted 06-22-2010 03:20 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Rachael,

I am laughing at Balladeer and your "purple" and "supple" - I have missed you.

Z
s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
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45 posted 12-21-2010 07:26 AM       View Profile for s1nfully_1nn0c3nt   Email s1nfully_1nn0c3nt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit s1nfully_1nn0c3nt's Home Page   View IP for s1nfully_1nn0c3nt

Colors eh? My submission- in haiku form  

Theres a lining here
between the blue and white hues
a sparkling silver

-Trina.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me...


[This message has been edited by s1nfully_1nn0c3nt (12-21-2010 09:24 AM).]

Mysteria
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46 posted 12-21-2010 05:18 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I wonder if I may submit this from Seymour Tabin, who was a master in sonnets, and in the archives are a ton referencing the use of colors.

The Language Of Color (part two) by Seymour Tabin

When I Paint

Just remembering how great he was, and also his poetry.
Balladeer
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47 posted 12-21-2010 10:35 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Trina...an excellent haiku indeed. Thank you

Mysteria...I remember that one. SY certainly had a way with words, didn't he? I miss him very much.
Dr.Moose1
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48 posted 12-22-2010 10:38 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

To all,
And that this thread re-connects us with those that have passed gives special meaning to this season. May you all be blessed.
Doc
 
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