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Passions in Poetry

The Dummy

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Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 12-12-2005 10:02 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


In that forgotten part of town
Where wasted hopes and dreams abound,
A wrinkled man with life near end,
In hopes to have at least one friend,
Fashioned bits of wood and things
And made a dummy run by strings.

He sat alone for hours on end,
Conversing with his only friend
And found delight within the fact
That he controlled its every act.
He told it how he never had
A chance, since all his luck was bad
Although he'd tried so to succeed -
The dummy nodded and agreed.

And how his journeys in romance
Had never given him a chance,
And wasn't it a crying shame
That he was always held to blame
When everyone knew, oh so well,
That life is but a living Hell,
Controlled by lust and power and greed?
The dummy nodded and agreed.

With patience that would rival saints,
That dummy sat through all complaints
And, with each little expert tug,
He'd droop his head or bow or shrug
And give some comfort to the man
Who held his lifelines in his hand
And helped to fill a lonely need
When he just nodded and agreed.

Senility increased with time
As did the old man's phantomime,
And feverish fingers pulled with glee
The dummy's dance of misery.
They never left each other's side
Until the day both stopped and died.
We found them lying, hand in hand,
The dummy - and his wooden friend.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (02-24-2007 10:06 PM).]

Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


1 posted 12-12-2005 10:07 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Hmmm..that didn't work. You can get the audio but the poem doesn't stay on the page...only way to listen and read at the same time is to click on link and then minimize the page that appears. then you will have the audio and the poem on the screen.

Any suggestions?
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


2 posted 12-12-2005 10:57 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

'Deer, minimizing the page with audio and reading the poem at the same time worked well for me.

It was good to hear your voice!!!  

Um...that was you????!!
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


3 posted 12-12-2005 11:17 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

hehe...yep, an authentic deer voice
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


4 posted 12-13-2005 12:03 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Deer...I enjoyed hearing your voice with the poem.  Thanks!  
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


5 posted 12-13-2005 12:19 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Thank you, Martie

For anyone who is interested in doing this, the site is dump.com where you can upload any recorded works of yours on your hard drive to that internet location for linking.....unlimited space..and free.
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


6 posted 12-13-2005 06:52 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Well, it worked for me!  In that both windows are open, yes, but I just came back to the poem, and there you are...reciting away.

Yep.

You can do more of these...

soon, right?

Right?

Please?

Geez, do we have to beg???

.
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


7 posted 12-13-2005 08:25 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell



that was very cool!

both the poem and the sexy voice!

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


8 posted 12-13-2005 09:51 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I am soooooooooooo jealous!

*pout*

I'd kick my computer if I thought that wouldn't be the final fatal blow.

I need a computer geek to fix my audio.

(Y'had to tease me, huh?)
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


9 posted 12-13-2005 11:36 AM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Daaaayum!  That was sweet, 'Deer, and well worth the long download on dialup. *chuckle*
Brian James
Member
since 06-26-2005
Posts 147
Winnipeg


10 posted 12-13-2005 03:27 PM       View Profile for Brian James   Email Brian James   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brian James

Hi 'Deer,

Excellent work here.  I especially like the small introductory stanza, and how it slowly zooms into your subject, giving just enough context.  Establishing the theme of loneliness at such an early stage lets us follow his experience more closely.

The proportion of the poem is also expertly done:  the dummy having (for the most part) only one line at a time, always the same line, highlights the silliness of the old man talking to a wooden doll.  I especially like the subtle hints that he and the dummy are the same person:  "he sat alone for hours on end," "who held his lifelines in his hand," and such.  That you make this so explicit in the final line is satisfying---I've always loved a poem that's willing to give itself away in the end!

I also have to mention that I love the final introduction of "we" towards the end.  Such an invitation!

Oh, and since I'm supposed to be grading, I have to point out that "it's" in line 10 should be "its."  Believe me, everyone makes that mistake once in a while.

This is actually one of my favourite poems of yours, so far, so I'm adding it to my library.  Very nice work!  Thanks for giving this forum something to do.

Brian


Balladeer
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11 posted 12-13-2005 11:42 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

My thanks goes to you, Brian. I always appreciate such a well-thought out critique and you touched on several subtleties that many do not see....I appreciate that.

it's....i hate when I do that!

Thank you, sir..
inot2B
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since 09-18-2000
Posts 2272
Alabama


12 posted 12-14-2005 12:02 PM       View Profile for inot2B   Email inot2B   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for inot2B

May I say, how much I enjoyed hearing you read.  For some reason I'm one who likes to put a voice to a picture. My only request is if you do another one, you slow down your reading just a tad.
Munda
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since 10-08-1999
Posts 3629
The Hague, The Netherlands


13 posted 12-14-2005 12:46 PM       View Profile for Munda   Email Munda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Munda's Home Page   View IP for Munda

Wow! This was great. However, a little, tiny bit slower, would make it perfect. Any chance you'll put Treblinka on audio any time soon? One of my all time favourites!
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


14 posted 12-14-2005 05:15 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

inot2b...duly noted and I'll slow it down. Glad you enjoyed  

Munda....Treblinka? That would really be an endeavor, especially for anyone willing to listen that long!   Thanks for listening, my friend
Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


15 posted 12-14-2005 07:04 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

nice, Mike. You're poems are even better when you read them (no, seriously, I didn't snicker even once!)

one comment - pantomime don't got no "h" in it.
Brian James
Member
since 06-26-2005
Posts 147
Winnipeg


16 posted 12-14-2005 07:35 PM       View Profile for Brian James   Email Brian James   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brian James

Christopher,

Could be poetic license?  phantom-pantomime?
Larry C
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Member Patricius
since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
United States


17 posted 12-14-2005 09:25 PM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

So that's the 'deer! Cool. Seems it's (use it like that) easy to have an image of a voice in one's head. And fun to finally know. Being a big fan of your writing I particularly enjoyed the experience of following your reading of your own work. Very pleasant experience. And you found an awesome resource. Thanks.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


18 posted 12-14-2005 10:06 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Thanks, Christopher. Actually, Ron was the only person ever to catch the double-meaning I employed by using the "h"....can't get anything by the man! Glad you enjoyed...

Brian...my "poetic licence" expired last year - and I forgot to renew it!

Larry....you're right, yanno. I think we all have mental images of the voice behind the words. Sometimes the actual is very surprising! Hope I didn't scare ya!
latearrival
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since 03-21-2003
Posts 4407
Florida


19 posted 12-15-2005 05:33 PM       View Profile for latearrival   Email latearrival   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for latearrival

Hey Mike, I finally got to read and hear it with a little help from a friend. Thank you. I loved it and hearing you read it only made it better.I love the last line! martyjo
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


20 posted 12-15-2005 07:29 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

i considered the double meaning, Mike, it just didn't seem to fit with the "straight-forward" text of the remaining piece. not suggesting by any means that you're incapable of that subtlety, but as a rule you don't incorporate it into your writing. being as how it was intentional, i'd say that it seems out of place - more like a spelling error than a clever intention at double meaning.
Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


21 posted 12-16-2005 12:33 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

darn...sounded good to me!
Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


22 posted 12-22-2005 05:54 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer,
Simply outstanding! #1, you've breathed life into this forum. #2, As someone else pointed out, you've shared a valuable resource for all poets who would like to hear poems as the author reads them. #3, you've definately added another dimension
to this site in doing so, that I'm sure many poets will embrace. Cudos my friend, and, aside from all this, once again you've treated us to some first rate poetry in the process. Were I female, I'd ask if there were any more like you at home, but , that ain't the case, besides which it's irrelevant anyway. Merry Christmas " Bardo ".
With respect,
Doc
chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


23 posted 10-20-2007 07:34 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Balladeer,  this is first rate poetry.

[This message has been edited by chopsticks (10-21-2007 12:34 AM).]

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 09-23-2001
Posts 7301
On A Journey To The Unknown


24 posted 11-18-2007 11:05 AM       View Profile for SmartChick   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit SmartChick's Home Page   View IP for SmartChick

I can't believe I missed this one. You know I enjoy everything you write. This included. You are still my favorite!
 
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