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Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA

0 posted 2003-07-28 10:33 PM


Meter Practice

My verse is terse, and even worse,
I’ll never make a meter maid.
My lack of rhythm is a curse,
In lines that scan, my error is made.

And yet, because it’s tough for me,
I’ll make a massive effort, now,
To practice meter. I foresee,
It will improve some anyhow.

Shenachie
28 July 2003


© Copyright 2003 Louise Ryan - All Rights Reserved
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
1 posted 2003-07-28 11:55 PM


Excelllent, Bridget!! Only problem is "error". If it is read as one syllable it fits but, as two, it doesn't. The way the line was set up I read it as two, which blew the line..

you could always change it to "goof"

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
2 posted 2003-07-29 09:10 AM


Yes, what Balladeer said

Pete

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
3 posted 2003-07-29 02:14 PM


Thanks Balladeer and Pete for reading and commenting.  That line troubled me, too, even though I was pronouncing error as one syllable.  I thought that it was questionable.

Think that I will change that line to

In lines that scan, I botch my grade.

Thanks again...

Shenachie

[This message has been edited by Bridget Shenachie (07-29-2003 02:17 PM).]

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
4 posted 2003-07-29 02:19 PM


Improve some? Heck, I think you've got it girl! And for the "error" thingy... if read as a two syllable word, just change "error is" to "error's". Hmm... men!
Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
5 posted 2003-07-29 09:34 PM


Thanks for the kind words, Munda.  I really couldn't get started with this assignment until I read your Meter Sonnet for Sunshine.
You are such a help to the rest of us.

Shenachie

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
6 posted 2003-08-04 07:34 PM


Bridget,
Yep , your meter is excellent except for the aforementioned.I have an old clock that reminds me of meter,  it always goes Tick-tock and never tock-Tick (unless of course the assignment is in anapestic dimeter or I'm just having a bad day!). Enjoyed the read.
Doc

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
7 posted 2003-08-07 11:13 PM


Hi Doc!

Thanks for reading and commenting.  Meter doesn't come easily to me.  In fact, writing hasn't been coming easily to me lately.  Thanks for the encouragement.

Shenachie

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
8 posted 2003-08-11 08:25 AM


I agree with Munda - An "error is" can be simply resolved by abbreviating it to "error's"... yep - Then it's perfect for sure.

This is great, BTW...

...And, I think we should borrow Doc's clock... The one that goes "tock-TICK" -

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2003-08-11 10:06 AM



I want to OWN Doc's clock...

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