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Reunion Of One
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Reunion Of One |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Feel the pull, yet resist. Life-time full, of things missed. Half awake, through the days as complacency stays. Like a cloud, overhead not allowed, to be said in the smallest of voice "Don't recall was my choice." Being blind, in this way. Of a mind to display what lies hidden, concealed, 'neath this protective shield. To feel whole. Of a sum . I extoll time to come, when at last, admit free that the cast which plays me... We are one , and the same. And be done, with this game. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Good job Doc. Meter reads consistent to me except for one line. quote: which I can force to be anapestic but it takes some concious effort. Good content too. Interesting. Thanks, Pete |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
I don't think I'm ready to get any closer to anapestic trimeter than I just did Doc! Nope, I will most certainly take something much easier! Great write Doc.  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Pete, Thanks,gotta agree with you on your assessment."PROtective"isn't right ( a bit of doggerel).I may go back and change that. Doc Munda, Thank you. I'm sure if you were to try one of these , you wouldn't have any problems. Heck, I almost got it right on my first try(tri?). Doc |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Hi Doc! I'm impressed with your poem--especially since I still struggle with iambic and can't get it right. Liked your subject matter, too. Shenachie |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
quote: OK - I can read this more than one way... Anapestic Dimeter feel-the-PULL/yet-re-SIST life-time-FULL/of-things-MISSED Dactylic Dimeter FEEL-the-pull/YET-re-sist LIFE-time-full/OF-things-missed Amphimaceric Dimeter  ... I kid you NOT... FEEL-the-PULL/YET-re-SIST LIFE-time-FULL/OF-things-MISSED Doc... You need a vacation...  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
This one's kind of interesting, Doc. I'll respond so you know that I DO read everything you write  Nan points the main point out...that the poem can be read in different ways. Possibly if you were reciting it, you could make it flow but a reader reading it for the first time may not know what path you are taking and become confused as I did (which happens often). The first stanza is interesting. In it you followed the right meter and yet the end result fell short of smooth. This is based on the punctuation used. In the first three lines, you used a comma to create a pause to change the direction of the line, almost as if the first three syllables are climbing a hill, the comma represents the top of the hill, and the final three syllables are coming down the hill. . , . pull..yet . the re .feel sist The same with (life time full), (of things missed) and...........(half-awake), (through the days) However, in the last line, although the accents are in the right place you don't have the break after the third syllable, which is in the middle of the word complacency. Therefore, with the word complacency being read straight through without pause it does not follow the flow that the three previous lines set up and sounds out of sync. In the matter of punctuation the comma after "full" makes no sense. Neither does the period at the end of the line, since the line is not a sentence. In the second stanza everything I said about the first stanza applies to the word "smallest"...same situation. Also the comma after allowed has no meaning. Third stanza loses the flow in the last two lines....and it's tricky. This is an example of what I referred to about Poe's construction in Pete's poem, revolving around the word "hidden". Hidden is, yet is not, a two-syllable word. It has two syllables but the two syllables are not equally voiced. We don't say "hid-den". We say "hid"...and then throw a quick "n" after it. So, as far as meter and flow goes, it is basically a one-syllable word by the way we say it. In the last line, in order to continue with the meter you have set up, you would have to say PROtective, which of course is incorrect. Fourth stanza the only problem is with the word "admit". Admit is iambic with the accent on the second syllable. It doesn't fit. The periods behind whole and sum I don't understand. The fifth stanza is great! So, you can agree, disagree or ignore. I'm certainly not saying I'm right...I'm just saying that's the way I see it as I read the poem....  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Bridget, Thanks. After reading all the replies I can see I'm going to have to try this anapestic trimeter thing all over again. I thought I had it almost right, but I guess not. Doc Nan, Thanks. Amphimaceric dimeter it is ( if you say so ). That is the closest to the way I was reading it. Balladeer has done an excellent job of critiquing this for me and oddly enough I agree with his summation. Back to the books. Balladeer, Thank you. As I said in the above, oddly enough I do agree with you on all of it. Thanks again for in depth critique. I will put it to good use.\Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Two "oddly"'s for agreeing with me...LOL!  Must be harder to agree with me than I thought!  My pleasure, doc. Anything I said that may be of service makes it worth while.... |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Only from us, we are after all supposed to be in some type of competition.( Hey, one of my alter ego's thought this up, so don't blame me!) You're a great guy and an extremely accomplished poet, which I admire. (For that, you get blessed with all of us) You can run, you can sprint, you can jog, here's a hint, 'cuz the faster you go, we can still stoop so low that we might trip your feet without missing a beat. |
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