»
Main Forums
»
Poetry Workshop
»
Maybe Writing Is Good (A Pantoum, I Hope)
| Poetry Workshop |
|
Maybe Writing Is Good (A Pantoum, I Hope) |
|
|
SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown 
|
They say writing is good for you Even when you're feeling down I often wonder if this is true Moodiness I have often found Even when you're feeling down With no one here to even talk to Living here so far from town I don't know what I should do With no one here to even talk to I think maybe, I have lost my mind My head is cluttered with things too A way to write them, I can't find I think maybe, I have lost my mind Not even one day is ever new Lonely days always fill my time When there is nothing else to do Not even one day is ever new Depression I think has set in I have fought it for so long too No matter what I do, I can't win Depression I think has set in Now I don't know what to do With depression I can not win Maybe writing is good for you © By Sue 3-10-02 |
||
| © Copyright 2002 Sue Graves - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Hi SmartChick, You're almost there. It's a good theme and I can relate to it. I took the liberty of altering it a little tiny bit to meet the criteria for Pantoum. I hope you don't mind. I put the rhyming aquirements in front. a1 They say writing is good for you b1 Even when you're feeling down a2 I often wonder if this is true b2 Moodiness, it makes me frown b1 Even when you're feeling down c1 With no one here to even talk to b2 Moodiness, it makes me frown c2 I don't know what I should do c1 With no one here to even talk to d1 I think maybe, I have lost my mind c2 I don't know what I should do d2 A way to write them, I can't find d1 I think maybe, I have lost my mind e1 Not even one day is ever new d2 A way to write them, I can't find e2 When there is nothing else to do e1 Not even one day is ever new f1 Depression I think has set in e2 When there is nothing else to do f2 No matter what, I just can't win f1 Depression I think has set in a2 I often wonder if this is true f2 No matter what, I just can't win a1 Maybe writing is good for you I think you did a great job. Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
||
|
SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Thank you, Titia. |
||
|
Casidy Junior Member
since 2002-01-27
Posts 36The Heart of Texas |
I tend not to be a traditionalist... and this poem seemed to follow the style of a pantoum... without holding the strict slow.... The theme is very well carried, and you kept the same intent with the lines you altered... seemed okay to me... *hugs* writing often works to keep me cheery ;-) I tend not to be a traditionalist... and this poem seemed to follow the style of a pantoum... even without holding to the traditionalist repetition... The theme is very well carried, and you kept the same intent with the lines you altered, which seemed to keep it from becoming overly melancholy... seemed okay to me... *hugs* writing often works to keep me cheery ;-) |
||
|
amigo Senior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 520the earth school |
Sue, this is really nice...i mean, the pantoum & definitely, not the way you say you're feeling now...i hope the words were not totally true...take care, dear one..  |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
SmartChick~ This is just GREAT~ And on your first attempt too ! You did your homework real good gal~ Love n' hugs~ ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
||
|
Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Great first attempt Sue. Well done! |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Aren't these fun to work with? I find myself thinking in pantoum now...and do you know how rare that is? [The form of writing, not the fact that I think!!!] LOL Good start! |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
You've taken a theme and developed it nicely, Sue... Your rhyme scheme/format has a liberalist tone to it, as you alter your lines a bit in your repetitions. Titia has done a pretty good job of showing you the traditional way as well. This is a great first pantoum for you, Smart one... Nice to see you here with us..  |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
