A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Want to use the pics on my website? Just send me a mail and I'll give you the link.

Hi amigo. This reminds me very much of my very first attempt to write a sonnet. I was so lucky to get help from a real master.   Alas! A master I am not, but I'll try to help you to my best knowlegde.

First of all - if I'm correct in assuming you were trying an English sonnet - you're rhyme schem should be a-b-a-b/c-d-c-d/e-f-e-f/g-g, although this rhyme scheme sounds kewl!

I also noticed you have some trouble with the iambic meter, so I'll da-DUM this out for you (meaning the "natural" stress is on the DUM), but please keep in mind I am Dutch and there's always a chance I pronounce/read things a little different, so please any of you native English people... correct me if I'm wrong!  


I made my entry into this workshop;
i MADE my ENtry inTO this WORKshop;
Hoping it would make me go nonstop;
HOping IT would MAKE me GO nonSTOP;
With all my might, I did take a hop....
with ALL my MIGTH i DID TAKE a HOP...
Never ever thinking of the word 'flop'
NEver Ever THINKing OF the WORD FLOP

Lo...here I am, stuck with number one;
Lo... HERE I AM, STUCK with NUMber ONE
If you would add the word "and" this line would be in perfect iambic pentameter and read as: Lo... HERE i AM and STUCK with NUMber ONE
Thoughts and words, I seem to have none;
THOUGHTS and WORDS, i SEEM to HAVE none;
They all are like the cloud-covered sun;
they ALL are LIKE the CLOUD-COvered SUN;
Playing hide-n-seek, having lots of fun...
PLAYing HIDE-n-SEEK, Having LOTS of FUN...

Whatever it is, I'd like to go ahead;
WhatEVer it IS. I'd LIKE to GO aHEAD;
To finish it anyway, since I started the thread;
To FInish it AnyWAY, since I STARTed the THREAD;
Now, I feel this might go unread;
Now, I feel THIS might GO unREAD;
It's just a string of words that could go unsaid...
it's JUST a STRING of WORDS that COULD go unSAID...

All said & done, I like you to take the lead;
all SAID & DONE, i LIKE YOU to TAKE the LEAD;
To shower your advice...for me to heed.
to SHOwer YOUR adVISE... for ME to HEED.  <== Wowsa! This is iambic pentameter!

Ummm... well, this is how I "read" it and I hope it helps some. Please feel free to email me if you'd like more help from a Dutchie.

Did I already mention this is a great first effort? No? It is!!

[This message has been edited by Munda (01-18-2002 04:12 PM).]

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Want to use the pics on my website? Just send me a mail and I'll give you the link.

I'm sorry to hear your mom's not feeling well amigo and it's only natural your mind's not with sonnets at a time like this. I hope she'll feel better soon.  

I tried to change the meter to iambic pentameter for you, keeping as much of the original poem as possible. (I hope it's all correct!)It was a little too much for my brain to change the rhyme scheme too. Sorry about that. I hope it helps you some to understand the meter better.  

My entry I have made into this/the Shop;
My hopes up high it'd make me go non-stop;
With all the might I have, I took a hop...
Not even once I thought of words like "flop".

Lo... here I am and stuck with number one,
My thoughts and words have suddenly all gone;
They're covered up in clouds - away from sun;
Who play their hide-n-seek with lots of fun...

But nonetheless I'd like to go ahead;
Accomplishing, since I began the thread;
I feel this might slide down the page unread,
It's just a string of words that'd go unsaid...

All said & done, will you please take the lead;
And shower your advise... for me to heed.

Munda

[This message has been edited by Munda (01-22-2002 03:40 PM).]