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All of Heaven's Stars
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All of Heaven's Stars |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania 
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All of Heaven’s Stars - A sonnet He gave me back my life, he gave me love A love that still resides within my keep And every one of heaven’s stars above Illuminates his essence as I sleep They know full well that such a love as this Was never meant to happen nor impart The sorrow that is wrought as memories twist And wrap a tender warmth around my heart They only stayed as witness to the peace That filled me to the depth of spirit’s core Exquisite moments that would never cease To rapture all the stars at heaven’s door Both they and I in all eternity Will never know the way love comes to be Elizabeth Santos |
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| © Copyright 2002 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Canuckster Member
since 2002-01-09
Posts 285New Mexico, USA |
Wow. I can't find any flaws. The meter is perfect as I read it. The use of memories on one line requires it to be read as 2 syllables rather than 3, but as that is normally the way the word is pronounced it works for me. Some purists might suggest that the silent syllable be dropped and an apostrophe used to designate the pronunciation, but I think that is unnecessary when common pronunciation prevails. never try to teach a pig to sing |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Canuckster's right - It's wonderful.. I, of course, would be one of those who would use the apostrophe - or - I might readjust... The sorrow wrought as memories entwist Is that a word?... LOL... Yours is perfect, Liz..  [This message has been edited by Nan (01-15-2002 12:16 PM).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi again Liz, Now to continue the discussion of the extra syllable. I didn't have any problem the way it was written. Did I mention, BTW, that it is a really lovely sonnet? I once used mem'ries in a sonnet where it needed to be 2 syllables and it was pointed out to me that it wasn't necessary because that is such a small syllable and normally is barely spoken anyway. The reader should be able to feel the meter properly without the added distraction of cobbling a word. Thus the apostrophe might give the impression that you don't trust your reader. I can't really say there is much validity to this argument but it at least seemed possible to me. Anyway, I like this one either way. Thanks, Pete |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
 This is a well crafted sonnet. It is also very touching. I enjoyed. ~Linda |
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