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The Ocean Speaks
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The Ocean Speaks |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania 
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The Ocean Speaks Come in“, the ocean speaks in lapping song And draws her with its mesmerizing drone “Stay here beside the sea where you belong Your heart will never find itself alone” It licks the shore in mystifying pleas “Come in and bathe your soul in cooler sand I’ll lull you ‘til you slumber in the seas Sweet dweller of the skies or of the land” “Your lover’s found a love on distant shore Sweet dweller of the seas and of the skies” Then words of anger echoed from her core “One mightier than you will wipe my eyes” “From sorrow I will not depart this earth I’ll go to heaven by He who gave me birth” Elizabeth santos |
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| © Copyright 2002 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I see, abab cdcd and efef, then gg, or is it abab, abab, abab, and cc - sheesh! And first off, there is not one dah dum in it is there  ? I did however count 10 syllables on each line right? So now you are saying this? I don't have to dah, dum, when I have spent all this time trying to learn how to dah dum? I could have written a book by now you realize that right? LOLI am not kidding here either, as this sonnet is was simply beautiful Liz, and if anyone can do an example of the "right way to do a sonnet" you my dear friend sure can! This was fantastic, and oh so true too. Back to my drawing board. Darn this dyslexia, it has its hangups sometimes. ~*~ Carpe' Diem ~*~ |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
WOW and I didn't even had a chance to start yet. Tonight my daughter and her friend came over, someone called in connection to the sheep, the dogs needed attention, so did my hubby, and now it's 0.25 am and I still didn't feed my sheep. What a life. Maybe I should write a sonnet about that. Loved yours very much, you're good Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Another superb "Santos Sonnet"! I hardly dare to make this remark after the replies above, but (to me) your last line doesn't sound right. I know the rules can be bend a little by adding a syllable, but I find it a pity the stress is no longer on "He". ~Running out of the door to escape the rotten tomatoes from the rest of the class~ |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Elizabeth, Ouch! I just got hit with one of those tomatoes too. Gotta agree with Munda on that last line. Maybe ... " To heav'n I'll go by He who gave me birth "? Doc |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautiful sonnet, Elizabeth! I stumbled over just that one line also. May I suggest: "I'm heaven bound by He who gave me birth" *ducking all those tomatoes* |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Work like this makes me VERY happy that I can step outside my door and soak in my ocean fix for the day... This is exquisite, m'friend... What more is there to say??..  |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Thanks for the responses and for correcting my error. You guys are really sharp, and I liked both suggestions as to how to fix it. I'll think on it, Hey, teacher there guys are SHAAAAARP. Can't get away with much in this class Thanks for the help Liz |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
As always Liz, another gem we can all learn something from. I think the last line reads all right even with that little extra syllable. But I also like Denise's suggestion for a fix  If it needs fixing, that is  Thanks, Pete [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (01-14-2002 11:34 AM).] |
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