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Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands

0 posted 2001-11-15 04:58 PM




Eden sweet Eden
serpentine verses serpentine

garden of Eden, a lovely garden
home of Adam and Eve, God's home
he created them out of nothing didn't he
darkness to light and again to darkness
love was all around them, everlasting love
strolling thrue the garden, Eve loved strolling
appels on the tree, big juicy shining red appels
God said NO, no appels, but Eve disobeyed God
snake told her to eat one, very intriging this snake
sinn it was said God and he explained to her this sinn
ashamed they became, why, they were never ashamed
lost her right to be there and they became lost
apple of Eve became Adam' s appel
lump in his throat a big lump
home sweet home
sweet home sweet
Eve Adam Eve
Adam Eve Adam
parents of parents
mistake said the snake biting his own tail by mistake



A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Feel free to use the pictures on my website. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace/

© Copyright 2001 Titia Geertman - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2001-11-15 05:48 PM


WOW ... WAAAAY COOL......
not only did ya do the line requirement of the repetative word...but ya made it a shape poem as well......
VERY COOL and CLEVER Titia ...
YOU get the teachers apple and a star for this  
well done poetess  
Do these Serpentine poems ever rhyme?

You're the hidden cost and the thing that's lost in everything I do.
In the sunlight, in the shadows ...
No ... I'll never stop looking for you.

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
2 posted 2001-11-15 07:16 PM


Hi Janet Marie, thanks so much for your words, I'm all  

Do serpentine verses ever rhyme? I don't know, it doesn't say (see: I've got a question, Not a Poet explained it to me)
It might though, but that is way over my head, being a Dutchie  

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Feel free to use the pictures on my website. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace/

[This message has been edited by Titia Geertman (edited 11-15-2001).]

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448
Universal Mind
3 posted 2001-11-16 07:01 PM


very cool!

Lizzy

~The first two cup of tea is to throw away; what remains is the best of all.
~Blessed are those who find ordinary things extraordinary.

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

4 posted 2001-11-17 12:16 PM


Cool, very cool.

Well, I managed one line.  lol  Again, Titia...BRAVO!!!

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 2001-11-17 08:19 AM


Bravo indeed...
This is superb, Titia - You've put together a wonderful presentation of the original serpentinious sin...

Got any appels left??


NapalmsConstantlyConfused
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529

6 posted 2001-11-20 12:17 PM




Apple tree apple
falls near Eve it falls
Hits the moist ground it hits
snake sees chance in grass snake
slithers slow silent sneaky subtle slithers
tells Eve sweet "Eat, sweet Eve" it tells
Eve eats apple but God sees eating Eve
God sees law broken sees God
God says "Why?" says God
Eve sways fearful Eve
Adam swears. "Adam!"
Stop it Stop!!
Stop it Stop!!
Don't say that don't!!
Swearing is bad, your swearing
offends God until our God offends
Eden we leave not as innocent as Eden


you had a fine idea there, Titia  
-Dave

I Love The Smell Of Napalm In The AM!
"Why do i smell something burning?!?"
I Love The Smell Of Napalm In The AM!

Charisma
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Member Ascendant
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906
lost in blue pages
7 posted 2001-11-20 02:40 PM


*WOW* very well done Titia....



Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
8 posted 2001-11-20 07:56 PM


Thanks to you all friends. Duncan gave me inspiration with his 'snakes and apples' and although I'm a non-religious person, it made me think of the story of Adam and Eve immediately.

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Want to use the pics on my website? Just let me know. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace/http://comm

Tracey
Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding
9 posted 2001-11-25 03:06 AM


Cool poem, cool style Titia, I still don't know what serpentine is, but I like this lots.

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
10 posted 2001-11-26 11:42 AM


Hi Tracey, thanks for replying.

Serpentine is a verse where each line ends with the same word as it begins. Serpentine = snake thus:
snake bites his own tail and makes the circle round: head = tail, tail = head = first lineword is same as last lineword.

Does this make any sense???

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Want to use the pics on my website? Just let me know. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace/http://comm

[This message has been edited by Titia Geertman (edited 11-26-2001).]

Tracey
Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding
11 posted 2001-11-27 09:32 PM


Now I understand what serpentine is, thanks Titia. Wow, we're all behind. You and Doc are the only ones who've done your homework. I'd better start writing, it's nearly the end of the month!!!

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

[This message has been edited by Tracey (edited 11-27-2001).]

Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
12 posted 2001-11-30 11:23 AM


Titia~

This is just too, too lovely~
Lovely, you've inspired a thought in me
Me in penning the beginning
Beginning of the circle of me~

*Love you~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
     noles1@totcon.com                

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
13 posted 2001-12-02 09:40 AM


Amazing Titia. Perhaps I'll be brave enough to try one myself some day.  
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