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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2001-02-13 10:30 PM


Near the end I think I lost my imagery, but I didn't want it to sound forced, so I didn't force it!
When the rain calls upon the land,
And douses it in a glistening fervor of gathered droplets,
This is the casting of love's glow upon the object,
Of its throned affection.
So love should soak one in refreshing reminders,
Lending color and shine to one's cheeks and daily path.
The moisture should nourish the roots,
Tending to every vital aspect in already richy mixed soil,
Lending a boost to aid the already naturally thriving fibers.
Then with a little tender care,
Should cause rampant growth,
Strongly gaining from lessons,
And growing vines should grasp others,
Slipping around them in a flowing dance,
Of sheltering caresses.
The care should never cease.
The watering should be daily done.
The beauty should never cease to thrive,
Let it not neglectfully wither,
But be colorfully animated,
To be treasured and learned from,
And in the end, duplicated.

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer - All Rights Reserved
Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
1 posted 2001-02-14 05:04 AM


Temptress,
This has such lovely imagery and it flowed so well.
Write on
Kethry


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
2 posted 2001-02-14 10:10 AM


I think it was a wise decision not to force it at the end. Now you kept the poem very nicely going and the imagery is beautiful. I think you did great!
Gene
Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935
Colorado, USA
3 posted 2001-02-14 01:54 PM


I didn't lose the imagery. It's lovely.
~Gene

Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
4 posted 2001-02-14 02:22 PM


I agree, I think it is good that you didn't force images in the end, instead, you added to the poem by the last lines which describe how to "care" for love! Great Job!
Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
5 posted 2001-02-14 07:29 PM


I didn't lose the imagery at the end either. . . it's good that you didn't force it. . . you just let it flow. . . that's important. . .

excellent. . .

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
6 posted 2001-02-25 09:11 AM


Jenn... Writing of love... using imagery... Both of these elements are natural for you... This poem certainly exemplifies that. You just have a knack for making this combination work...

Now - structured verse.. LOL... That's when we'll get your creative quill scrambling..

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
7 posted 2001-02-25 09:42 AM


Temtress ,
I'd say it all fit's together nicely , I bet there's not too many weeds in your garden .
Doc

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