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Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

0 posted 2001-02-09 02:59 PM


Thou art sunshine oh my love
In blessed ray of golden charm
The scent of rose the coo of dove
Can all be found within your arm,
Thou art a rainbow during rain
The softening touch of morning mist
Thy touch my love, canst keep me sane
As red velvet lips yearn to be kissed
Thou art the wind in springtime breeze
Thou warmth of breath makes promise new
In sacred prayer, I fall to my knees
With whispered words for just we two
Thou art by nature strong and fair
I meet with thee, find passion there



Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



© Copyright 2001 Lynne Dale - All Rights Reserved
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
1 posted 2001-02-09 10:11 PM


Well gosh, Kethry~
Just go ahead and GLOW !
This is wonderful !
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

2 posted 2001-02-09 11:29 PM


This is gorgeous Kethry...
My compliments sweetie...
~coco

Suzanne Arlene
Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 377
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2001-02-10 08:52 AM


Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh     just too darn good Kethry  mad me melt  Suzanne
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
4 posted 2001-02-11 09:38 AM


Kethry ,
Hey , they didn't teach this stuff in school ( well maybe after school ) . No fair !
Maybe I should have been looking over your shoulder .
Doc

LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

5 posted 2001-02-12 10:06 PM


"Thou art by nature strong and fair
I meet with thee, find passion there"

BEAUTIFUL work, my friend. This will get an a+, I'm sure!



"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Gene
Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935
Colorado, USA
6 posted 2001-02-13 07:49 PM


Very nice, I like this one a lot.

Gene
(formerly, u_gene)

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
7 posted 2001-02-14 09:54 AM


A beautiful poem with beautiful imagery. : )
Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
8 posted 2001-02-14 02:38 PM


The last stanza is the one I love the best, but the whole poem is filled with strong images. I wish I could say something other than this is beautiful, but that is what this is when I read it. Beautiful!

Debbie

Songbird
Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184
Missouri
9 posted 2001-02-16 01:46 PM


I envy anyone who can write a sonnet especially one like the one I have just read. You make it sound so easy.
Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
10 posted 2001-02-18 05:22 AM


Thanks everyone,
for all the images you presented that gave me inspiration to write this.
Kethry


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
11 posted 2001-02-25 09:34 AM


Hey Kethry...

Nice job here... You've developed your theme about love quite nicely..

Your imagery (both metaphor and personification) adds a nice touch... Good job on that, my friend..

Sonnets are fun, aren't they?... Here's what I see in the structure of this one.. Your meter is predominantly iambic tetrameter - That deviates from the classic pentameter, but is pretty widely used in modern verse... I see you deviating from it in lines 1,6,8, and 11... Meter is easily adjusted, though..

I like this one a lot, Keth... 'Tis a good'n..

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
12 posted 2001-02-26 06:50 AM


Nan,
I did very well with cubits, feet, inches and miles but my brain won't accept any metrics. So it's not surprising my metre changes from line to line. It sounds good in my head but when I read it back I realise I've added or subtracted a syllable here and there(now I feel like Old Macdonald, A syllable here, a syllable there, here a short, there a long everywhere it's wrong wrong!) I would be interested in learning more about iambic pentametre as the lines always seem to be too long to me, but when I read others I'm impressed by how it flows.
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Keth


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



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