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Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

0 posted 2000-12-20 04:01 PM


Perhaps once more I'll try to pen
the facts aside time and again
to fool a few with care-free style
but only for a little while

The facts aside time and again
more often guides what's said and when
but only for a little while
like raking words into a pile

More often guides what's said and when
on what is tried it will depend
like raking words into a pile
leaves room for fun there's no denial

On what is tried it will depend
the message that you hope to send
leaves room for fun there's no denial
but fool with rules and I'll stand trial

The message that you hope to send
it's back to school for me my friends
but fool with rules and I'll stand trial
by those that I've tried to make smile

It's back to school for me my friends
to fool a few with care-free style
by those that I've tried to make smile
perhaps once more I'll try to pen



© Copyright 2000 William E.Kleist - All Rights Reserved
Elizabeth
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Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
1 posted 2000-12-20 04:10 PM


I like this...good work. You did nicely with the style.
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
2 posted 2000-12-21 03:58 PM


Ahhhh...this is great Doc and "according to the rules"almost a Pantoum. (hehe) Your theme devellopes great (I love it!) and the repeating of the lines is correct too (even in the final stanza  ), but....LOL you're gonna hate me....your rhyme scheme should be A rhymes to A and B to B, etc., although I kinda like this variant. Perhaps we can call it "Pantoum a la Moose?  
Anyway, I loved it and admire your perseverance for trying and trying and... hehe.  
Merry Christmas to you Doc.  

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
3 posted 2000-12-21 08:25 PM


Munda,
If you liked this one check out "On The Mend"
,and thanks sincerely , between us we've really stirred up this sleepy class . A very happy holly-days to you also.
Doc
P.S. I've still got a few days to get it right .

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
4 posted 2000-12-29 08:59 AM


I hereby proclaim Munda to be graduated from Pantoums 101... She's even mastered 201, I do believe... Sleepy??? We just need something new to dig into... Then again - We've got da Moose...
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