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Foolish Fishin' Expedition
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Foolish Fishin' Expedition |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Fins and fools may rise and fall If the fish begin to school Should dis-orders not seem small Have no doubt that I'm your fool If the fish begin to school Not long will I make you wait Have no doubt that I'm your fool All I use is words for bait Not long will I make you wait Dangling on a line drawn taut All I use is words for bait Now let's see what I have caught Dangling on a line drawn taut In my hand I feel the hook Now let's see what I have caught Kinda stupid I must look In my hand I feel the hook Nasty barb bent 'round on me Kinda stupid I must look You the fish were s'posed to be Should dis-orders not seem small Even when they're well in hand Like the fool too late re-calls Fins and fools may rise and fall |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Wowsa ! Way to go Doc ! And six stanza's too.  I hardly dare to say this, but I'm going to ruin your acrostic... your final stanza should be F1-A2-F2-A1. Still talking to me?  With meter I cannot be of any help. Being Dutch, meter is a real killer for me. Sorry Doc, but meter I'll leave to Nan... where are you Nan ??? You did very good Doc. Great theme and it all comes together very nicely.  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Munda , Heck yeah I'm still talkin'! Thanks , for the critiques . Until we can get an " official " ruling on this I'm gonna have to stick by this as a recognized form of a pantoum , even if it is a slight variant from the one we were given for our assignment .But in any case even if I'm wrong ( which I thought I was once till I found out I was in error ) they were fun to write , and I hope to read. Doc |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Other than the final stanza which is obviously written in the order we see for the sake of the acrostic.... The meter is just FINE So what'd ya catch, Doc?  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Nan , Well lessee , by attempting to bend the rules around it seems I may have caught myself . Doc |
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