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Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

0 posted 2000-12-14 03:09 PM


Mike would do what most would not
Into the fire when it was hot
Kept burning off all of his hair
Even all the way down there

Into the fire when it was hot
Simple Mike did the fox-trot
Even all the way down there
All the folks would stop and stare

Simple Mike did the fox-trot
You would think that he forgot
All the folks would stop and stare
Should have worn some underwear

Kept burning off all of his hair
Had no idea but he didn't care
Into the fire when it was hot
Mike would do what most would not



© Copyright 2000 William E.Kleist - All Rights Reserved
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
1 posted 2000-12-14 06:49 PM


I love your rhyme and wit, but, my deer Doc, a pantoum it is not hehe.
I'll bring Nan's explanation back to the top for you.    If you'd like some help, please feel free to email me.

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
2 posted 2000-12-14 08:03 PM


Munda,
I am at a loss . Yes , you are correct that according to Nan's definition I am two stanzas short and also in my final quatrain ,
3rd line first stanza becomes first , with first line , first stanza becoming last ,however( there is always one of those),
according to "Orca's" reference ( which Nan has used before ) a modern pantoum can be of any length , and this is the format in which this was written . I may be entirely confused on this matter , which is why we usually have a teacher around somewhere , but our's seems to have gone missing .
I'll have to wait for a "Final Decision"
Doc

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (edited 12-14-2000).]

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
3 posted 2000-12-16 04:18 PM


Yes I've read several things on Pantoum and noticed "modern" Pantoum can be from 4 to 24 stanza's or any other number you'd like. I've read Pantoum doesn't need to rhyme, as long as you stand by the "rule"of repeating lines and ending with the first line last and the third as number two of the last stanza. LOL Let me tell you a secret... I'm in the workshop to learn as many forms as possible by their "original" rules. I feel when I can "master" a specific form of poetry I may feel confident enough to "play" with the rules.  Just a personal opinion.  
Anyway, it doesn't matter to me "Mike" only has 4 stanza's, but the rhyming scheme is off and your final stanza should be a little different.

The rhyming scheme should be: A rhymes to A and B to B, etc.
Your finala stanza should be

D1
A2
D2
A1

Instaed you used line A2 as the first line of this stanza.  
I'd leave Mike as he is though, as he'd get all mixed up if you change him and I'm not sure if he'd be as easy anymore.   Anyway, I've seen something "fishy"...  

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
4 posted 2000-12-16 05:13 PM


I've read about several kinds of pantoums, so I'm confused. I think we all might be right according to what we have read.
Anyway this is hilarious, and an accrostic ,too. That's too mind boggling for me. My brain only stretches so far.
A fun read.
Liz

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 2000-12-27 06:19 PM


When does a pantoum become "pantoumish"? or a sonnet become "sonnetish"?...

I'm a staunch believer in learning the rules before breaking them... Of course, Doc...You know how to follow the rules - ergo - you know how to break them effectively...

*walking away shaking my head here*...

Suzanne Arlene
Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 377
Ontario, Canada
6 posted 2000-12-28 08:08 AM


Well correct or not it is still a funny poem
and fun to read. Suzanne

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
7 posted 2000-12-28 10:47 AM


Nan ,
Always has to be some " trouble maker ' in the class doesn't there ? Guilty as charged with the crime of adding to the general confusion . I await sentencing .
Doc

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