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Felix
Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 78
USA

0 posted 2000-11-20 06:58 PM


I am going by the Villanelle rules:
1) five tercets rhyming AbA', abA, abA', abA, abA', abAA'
2) no narrating
3) iambic pentameter or some type of iambic meter

this is due to my new found hobby of playing pool and supposed to be rather humorous...

I Want to Pocket My Ball

I do not want to pocket my que ball
My skills will improve with multiple time
However I do keep bumping the wall

What was his name?  I forget, was it Paul?
They all want to share their Zodiac sign
I do not want to pocket my que ball

This is much better than shopping the mall
I am glad it is not me who is blind
Hwever I do keep bumping the wall

Men keep watching, I lean over, they stall
When i take a break i will suck a lime
I do not want to pocket my que ball

Typical pick-up line, "You are how tall?" (I am 5'10)
One more hairy navel helps me unwind
However I do keep bumping the wall

How can it be he is saying, "Last call"
Only complete when i sink in the '9'
I do not want to pocket my que ball
However I do keep bumping the wall

< !signature-->

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king, and then became one?

- Neil Diamond



[This message has been edited by Felix (edited 11-20-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Stacey Sutton - All Rights Reserved
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
1 posted 2000-11-22 11:24 AM


Felix you did well ! I enjoyed.  
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
2 posted 2000-11-26 09:49 AM


Very cute, Felix... I enjoyed this one.. It sounds like quite a productive pastime to me..

You've got the rhyme scheme down.. and you've certainly developed your theme.. "a day in the life of an aspiring pool shark"... LOL.. I've read it a couple of times and can't get a handle on your intended meter, but that's easily tweaked..

You've done a nice job... and I'm glad to have you here in the workshop...

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