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Can this be called a "BALLAD"?
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Can this be called a "BALLAD"? |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
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Hi all, This is my first "ballad" ever. I don't even know if fits as a ballad. So please feel free to pass critiques and comments, for thats the only way to improve... I await your comments, Thanks in advance, regards, Sudhir THE BARD Under a banyan tree, there sat a bard, humming a song, Strumming melodies with his seven-stringed harp, Basking in the glow of the evening crimson sun, His words spoke of love in pitch low, tone sharp. "Eons ago, in a distant sad past", he started, "Lord's blessed land was being lost, struck by famine," "The old and young, the woman and her man died," "Only the strong survived the curse, Sin's costly fine." "Repenting a dark past of kill, loot and moral outrage" "They became a tribe, a family, all kith and kin," "Herding livestock, gypsies in constant travel," "So few they were, could exist no King nor Queen." "But in Love's kingdom, there needn't be many," "It only takes two hearts to flutter their wings," "It only takes a solitary glance from twinkling eyes," "To start a journey of the soul, make love-birds sing." "He - a strong lad with deepset eyes in a sharp head," "Destined to be a leader of the pack, a future King," "She - sensuous beauty, strong in heart, caring too," "She was the perfect Queen, befitting his wedding ring." "Sure enough as they all knew, they fell in love," "They met each other in the shadows of moon light," "Exchanged words of love, whispered caresses into ears," "Coupled in synchronous unison, shone in starlit night." And so on, the bard continued singing the love song, Melodic notes swaying many hearts, souls let out sighs While the sun set in a dusky twilight, basking in afterglow Of his balladic lyrics, amid the crowd, stood mesmerised I. ~~~ Death, be not proud, though some have called thee, Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so; - John Donne |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Sudhir-- It is very good, however it seems to be missing a refrain. In order to qualify as a 'ballad" I believe it needs to have one. Or at least they usually have one.. maybe not a requirement. Nonetheless it is a very good poem. I like it. Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Well Jamie, thanks for reading... I had read somewhere that ballads need not have chorus sections always. But the ones with chorus or refrains usually follow the rhyme scheme abac , while this one follows abcb... All I can think of is expanding the central part so the theme is more evident... I am trying a story inside a story, but the outside story is not very clear, is it? I mean, "The Bard" is not so exposed... but again I had read that not every thing is described and is left to the listener to dwell upon and make up the character. So I am a bit confused... However a central stanza could be added to describe the bard, I guess, What do you feel about that one? This is a general reply, so please tell me how to get this right, dear friends... regards and thanks from a student, sudhir |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
As you'll notice in my ballad...ballads need not contain refrains. What is a bit amiss in this though is the rhythm...as Nan stated...it should be stressed and unstressed syllables...with a bit of refining, you got yourself a Ballad though  Oh, I absolutely loved the line "Of his balladic lyrics, amid the crowd, stood mesmerised I." in this one, it for some reason brought a smile to my face [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 07-11-2000).] |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Not ballad form, true, but pleasant for what it is. You might try to rework the theme as a ballad as well, but what you have, is already a poem, and a nice one. |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
I'm not sure if this is a ballad, but hey...I'm new at this too LOL. I sure like what I read here |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Jamie, Ruth, Ted, Munda, Thanks to all of you for your input... after going through your comments, I am coming up with a rework I will post it quite soon... I hope that it is better... regards, sudhir. |
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