»
Main Forums
»
Poetry Workshop
»
Spenserian Sonnet - The Storm
| Poetry Workshop |
|
Spenserian Sonnet - The Storm |
|
|
Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
The thunder claps outside of my window The rain streams down from the blackness at will A puddle forms on the concrete below Rumbles continue before all is still After the storm in the air is a chill The gentle breeze feels cold on my bare skin My heart has desires you could not fulfill There just wasn't any way I could win These thought of you really make my head spin If only there were just one more last chance Would give me a reason to raise my chin But like the storm this was our final dance Now both of us retreat after we're spent If only we knew where all the love went Wasn't feeling very sure on this, but I think it is on the right track at least!!! Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. --Michael W. Smith |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Jennifer L. Garcia - All Rights Reserved | |||
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
This is excellent LW!! I feel that you have done very well with this one. . . Superb!! ---------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
||
|
Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Sven, Thank you very much. It was a tough one to write for me. That rhythm thing is not easy for me. Appreciate your comments.  LW |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Hey Jennifer - You've developed your theme nicely, and your rhyme scheme is intact. I'd like to work on the meter a bit to make suggestions for you - so I'll come back with more comments on this one....  |
||
|
Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Hey Nan - Thank you on the theme and rhyme. The meter was the part that worried me most....had a hard time with it. Would welcome any suggestions you could offer. Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. --Michael W. Smith |
||
|
Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I like the theme of this poem. That pentameter thing throws you at first and then when you do it a few times, sometimes it won't leave your head, kind of like a tune that sticks in your mind whether you want it there or not. With Nan's suggestions, you've got yourself a great first sonnet! Keep it up! Liz |
||
|
Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Liz, Thank you! Just sat down to write it and it started to pour outside. Thought it was a hint or something. Thanks for the encouragement. I'll work on the pentameter...hope I can get it. That was the toughest part for me. LW Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. --Michael W. Smith |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
