Forbidden Love(A sonnet maybe...or maybe not!)

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Poetry Workshop

Forbidden Love(A sonnet maybe...or maybe not!)

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

0 posted 2000-05-15 08:42 AM

Forbidden Love(a sonnet maybe...or maybe not)

I know that you are required to go,
Good byes are difficult but have to be.
It has been wonderful to get to know
A person who’s as full of love as thee.

Without you, I am a flower without it’s bloom,
I feel so lost without your warm, soft touch.
My life sans love has left me full of gloom,
Why did I not say that I love you much?

If I could turn back time and have you back
I surely shouldn’t let you out of sight.
Nay, not us, we’d know we have to pack,
And ride so silently into the night.

When rival families won’t get along,
It should not mean we cannot sing love’s song.

"Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

1 posted 2000-05-15 10:05 AM

Bravo, A wonderful first sonnet
I'm sorry I don't have time right now to point out the lines which are out of meter, but most of the poem is in iambic pentameter. You did an excellent job. You can easily correct the meter and it will be perfect
Liz

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

2 posted 2000-05-17 07:09 AM

How's about this??...

I know that you are surely bound to go,
Good-byes are difficult but have to be.
It has been wonderful to get to know
A person who’s as full of love as thee.

Without you, I'm a flower without it’s bloom,
I feel so lost without your warm, soft touch.
My life sans love has left me full of gloom,
Why did I not say that I love you much?

If I could turn back time and have you back
I surely shouldn’t let you out of sight.
For nay, not us, we’d know we have to pack,
And ride so silently into the night.

When rival families won't get along,
It should not mean we cannot sing love’s song.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

3 posted 2000-05-18 10:00 PM

Great first shot. The meter is a little off in some places. Nan has some good suggestions but her meter is a little rough in some places too.

Ahem.

Enjoyed this. Thanks.

Jim

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