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Untitled sestina
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Untitled sestina |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap 
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Quaint fancies in a world of steel and stone Uncaring hulks that threaten cobalt sky; In such a place, she’s better off alone To chase the song she tunes her heartstrings by, Else, all is lost: the Dreamer cannot stand On hopes alone in such a bitter land. Forsaken child, a wand’rer in this land Tenacious spirit searching soulless stone Entrusting Fate to lend the strength to stand -- Not flinching as she looks to distant sky, Toward that peace that dreams are measured by – Her sovereign task to seek this path alone. Effluent tears, from one so long alone, Forgotten moisture on this barren land; A crystal trail to mark her passage by. Not sinking, though they fall on thirsty stone -- They linger, tiny spheres to mock the sky A tribute to unfailing hope, they stand. Sustaining dreams in invitation stand, Yet all she knows is dreary and alone So small beneath the scrutiny of sky Unwinking eye above the frozen land Regret weighs in her gentle soul like stone Pursuing hopes that flutter swiftly by A solemn truth uncovered, by and by Surrounded by despair, resigned to stand Surrendering her faith to silent stone. Enfeebled and undone, she lies alone -- Strange flower wilting on the withered land -- Tormented cries assail indifferent sky. Her innocence abandoned to the sky Emblazoned in its dying glory by Reflections from her tears upon the land Enchanted pearls, in mourning now do stand A wearied wraith, defeated and alone Left ever scarred, her spirit turned to stone Inconstant hopes like lifeless stone laid by, Triumphant sky, to spite you she will stand: Yet seeking, though alone, in this cold land < !signature--> You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end. [This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 12-20-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Sky: I wanted to finish mine so I could better appreciate the difficulty of writing one of these behemoths. That being said, this was beautifully written. Just curious ... how long did it take you? Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
So beautiful and yet so sad. And it should be pointed out that you were the first to meet the challenge. Exceptionally well done  Pete |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Quite often the fantasy surpasses the reality, my dear.  Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Jim, I won't go so far as to say you're a genius, but you're pretty astute for a poor humble poet like myself! --Kess You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Who do you think you are calling poor and humble? I'm a middle-classed egotist! Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Bows in regards to this piece....well done |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I have to go with the consensus here, Kess.... This is wonderful.. You've expressed a theme beautifully throughout, your rhyme scheme is right (of course) and you've set your poem artfully to iambic pentameter. Not only that - You've used some pretty great imagery. I see some great metaphors, personification... and a simile in the tercet.... Very nice, indeed... |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Kess Hi .. (for the first time I think). I feel an apology is due (shut up laughing Jim .. I have been known to be humble sometimes).. I printed this sestina out before Christmas and have been reading it on and off since then .. fixated by the beauty of the imagery and the regularity of the meter but completely lost as to the "story". I seem to have gone into "mental arrest" over the last couple of weeks - too much interference from real-life I reckon, so firstly sorry for being so long replying, and secondly sorry for not understanding what is probably blindingly obvious .. . I did have a possible idea that this is something to do with a girl "lost" in a city but I daren't say any more for fear of making a total idiot of myself .. and worse giving Jim the opportunity to have a laugh at my expense.Any clues gratefully received .. meantime it is a lovely lyrical poem .. thanks. Philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 01-06-2000).] |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Phillip, I must say that I am flattered both by your re-reading and the fact that you are genuinely interested in the story behind this poem. The gist of it is this: it is, to a point, a story about a girl "lost" in a city -- but not only in the physical sense. To her eyes, the city has many faces; it is a place of giants ("...a world of steel and stone/uncaring hulks that threaten cobalt sky..."), a wasteland (3rd & 4th stanzas), and finally, a sort of living Hell (stanza 5). Also, there is a progressive loss of hope and innocence -- this can been seen not only in the obvious growing despair of the character toward the end, but by the change in the personality of the sky. (Yes, it IS more than just an end word! LOL) At first, the city "threatens" the sky, then, she "looks to distant sky" to fortify her hope, and finally, she falls under the sky's "scrutiny," and it becomes "indifferent." In the end, the crowning irony is that she abandons her innocence to the sky which was once her bastion of strength. To me, the city in this piece represents many things, the most general of which is life itself: when one is lonely, it often seems that life is always there to magnify its effects -- to beat you down till you have essentially become as soulless as the stone beneath your feet. LOL -- now that the men in the white coats are surely on their way to my house to collect me, I believe I will shut my big mouth so I have some hope of getting out early for good behavior ... Hope this helps, Phillip, and thanks again ... --Kess |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Kess Thank you so much for taking the time to explain. Yes the progression towards despair and loss of innocence was clear but I have to admit the significance of, and important part played by the word "sky" escaped me. I should have paid more attention to your screen name .. lol. Although you say that "in the end" she abandons her innocence to the sky, this is not quite the "end" is it? Surely in the closing stanza there is the indication that there is yet a spark of life and fight and resistance in her. She will yet "stand" and "seek" .. you deliberatley end on a note of hope do you not? ever the optimist ... Philip PS The men in white coats are far too busy chasing Jim and his double sestina fixation to bother about you or me .. we are quite safe as long as he is roaming the globe .. he heh [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 01-08-2000).] |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is specifically the reason why we have a 'stute here at Passions - a holding tank for the temporarily or interminably cognizant digressors.... |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kess: I must once again commend you on your double sestina. I would like to see you post it in here (Nan's Workshop), however (I'm lazy and it takes to long to find it in OP). Philip: I am deeply hurt that you would even consider that I would be amused at your expense! I must admit I'm tempted when you call me a "Know it all" (I don't know it all yet, btw, but I expect to know it all by next Friday) ... again, < !signature-->Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-08-2000).] |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Phillip: You've got it -- if not necessarily a note of hope then it is one of perseverance ("to spite you she will stand"). Can't keep a good redhead down, after all ...  Jim: You lazy oaf , I'll post it here just for you but if Nan asks why I'll tell her it's your fault!--Kess |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Lazy? Well, I called myself that but oaf? I am deeply hurt! Even crazy people have feelings Kess. You are starting to show some of Philip's mean-spiritedness. P.S. If the little green men or the government conspirators can't catch me, the men in white coats don't have a chance! < !signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-10-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Ohhhhhh Jim have a BIG HUG "O"  |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Thanks Philip. *sniff* |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
LOL -- don't expect any such coddling from ME, Jim -- take it like a man! hehe --Kess |
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