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jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

0 posted 1999-11-12 08:41 AM


A fool to try to clothe true love with words!
When even dreams cannot, true love, contain,
But failure here makes not my song a dirge
When love exceeds the words of this refrain.
My passion surges forth to push my pen,
My clumsy hands try vainly to comply,
But how can I bewail my failure when
Without my love my inkwell would be dry.
So don't lament for me, beloved friend,
For Love's sweet kiss has blessed my wanting brow,
But weep for him who meets his mortal end
Before, on him, Her gift She does endow.
A foolish man, a fool for all to see!
Perhaps a fool, then, I aspire to be.

------------------
Jim

"If I rest, I rust." -Martin Luther



[This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 11-15-1999).]

© Copyright 1999 Jim Bouder - All Rights Reserved
Ohme
Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816
Texas
1 posted 1999-11-12 08:55 AM


Very nice Sonnet, Jim. I think my favorite line is the opening line;

A fool to try to clothe true love with words.

Lorene

------------------
I look forward to tomorrow, while looking back on the past. But today is the day I am living. And I expect it to be a great day!

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
2 posted 1999-11-13 09:27 AM


Liked this a lot Jim ! : )
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
3 posted 1999-11-13 10:05 AM


Jim...you did it!!! APPLAUDS!!! This is absolutely wonderful
Oh, one small mistake...line #8....I believe you meant inkwell instead of inwell.
Great job...I'd give ya an A+

------------------
Alis volat propriis
(She flies with her own wings)


jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
4 posted 1999-11-15 10:08 AM


Thanks for the encouragement, guys.

Hoot: Thanks for the help along the way with the technical stuff. I even surprised myself this time!

Ohme: That was my favorite line too ... but the couplet runs a close second. They were far from being the hardest lines to write, though.

Munda: Glad you liked it.

------------------
Jim

"If I rest, I rust." -Martin Luther


doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
5 posted 1999-11-16 12:35 PM


I think this is wonderful! It rolls off the tongue. Nice job!
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
6 posted 1999-11-16 06:16 PM


This is indeed a wonderful sonnet. You've got some talent, my friend...

I really love the first two lines - They introduce the theme beautifully. While I may have used a different end word for either "words" or "dirge", for a smoother rhyme, that's a very personal thing - Whatever works for you...

Why do fools fall in love, eh? Nice job for sure!!

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