Finished Product....I think..lol

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Poetry Workshop

Finished Product....I think..lol

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 1999-10-09 01:46 PM

I dream of walking on the shore.
Do you see me or don't you care?
I can not make it to the door.

All huddled here confused and sore,
I'm caught and can't escape your lair.
I dream of walking on the shore.

To raise my head is such a chore,
Into the darkness I do stare;
I can not make it to the door.

My soul cries out, "Oh please, no more!"
I wanted just for you to share;
I dream of walking on the shore.

Your words have bruised me to the core.
I bang my head upon a chair;
I can not make it to the door.

I lay broken on the floor.
You were the one who threw me there;
I dram of walking on the shore.
I can not make it to the door.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

1 posted 1999-10-10 12:09 PM

Marilyn, you did a great job with this, the meter and rhyme are intact and I love the way you carried this out. Nice job. One comment...may want to check your spelling of dream in the quatrain.

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

2 posted 1999-10-10 03:18 AM

Hey Hoot! I was gonna tell her about the spelling! LOL
Agreed though, other than that it looks great to me. Truthfully I was curious how you were going to manage the theme originally, but you did a great job!

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

3 posted 1999-10-10 08:56 AM

Yeah, Marilyn!!..

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