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| Poetry Workshop |
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Er ... ummm ... the server was down or something? |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
Here's my two cents, y'all: The harsh light flees from sight, My vision slowly fades; I can no longer fight; Pernicious comes the night. OK, have it it, oh Critics ... please clean up the scraps when you're done ...  Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
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| © Copyright 1999 Starith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Hunts up the word pernicious in her dictionary...oh, yeah...okay. Wow star...although the syllable count, meter and rhyme are very well done, I think your last line is going to be interesting to repeat throughout, anxous to see what you do with this one. |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
What, are the sharks not feeding tonight..?  Star [This message has been edited by Starith (edited 10-06-1999).] |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
This is going to be good ... course I could be biased, cause I have already seen the finished work! This is the darkest thing you have ever written, my friend ... it is gratifying to see you exploring the shadowy recesses of your soul ... expanding your horizons, so to speak ... Nocht |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
I can't think of a thing to critque on this! Now the first time I read it, I stumbled...but that's just due to my extremely clumsy brain. Cool..can't wait to see how you finish this. [This message has been edited by Satiate (edited 10-06-1999).] |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
Hoot: I'll leave you in suspense no longer...I will post the finished product soon! Nocht: I didn't know I had it in me to write something like this...but I like the way it came out...maybe I have needed to write something this dark for a long time. Thank you my friend. Satiate: I'm glad it turned out as well as it did...I was afraid to try this at first...but once I got a topic it became so easy. I'm so glad thus far of my fellow "class" members like this...I look forward to the rest of the replies. Finished piece will be posted as soon as I can type it! Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! [This message has been edited by Starith (edited 10-06-1999).] |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
So I'm commenting on the quatrain and you're finished already - Need some busy work so you don't disrupt the class?? |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
No Nan I promise I'll be good...it took me a while to come up with my quatrain, but as soon as I had that done my poem just flowed out after it...I love it when that happens! Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
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