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Passions in Poetry

Together we stand

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TearsOfPearls
Member
since 09-23-1999
Posts 323
Vereeniging, South-Africa


0 posted 06-08-2000 02:27 PM       View Profile for TearsOfPearls   Email TearsOfPearls   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for TearsOfPearls

A note with his name
he found on the door,
he walked into the room,
found her body on the floor.

He ran to her side
and fell to his knees,
he grabbed her hand tight,
his aching heart bleeds.

With a river of pain
flowing from his heart,
he can not bare the thought
of being apart.

"Why was I so blind,
why could I not see?
If I can't be with her,
I can't be with me."

Still warm with her blood
he took the gun from her hand.
A note left saying:
"Together we stand!"

Ok...it's not that good, and I have no idea where this came from, but I'm still posting it.


 Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach.
© Copyright 2000 TearsOfPearls - All Rights Reserved
LIL' Lou
Junior Member
since 06-02-2000
Posts 29
OKlahoma


1 posted 06-08-2000 04:42 PM       View Profile for LIL' Lou   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LIL' Lou

Hi This Is a well  Awsome  poem I like it!!!  
You did a good job!  Hey maybe you can tell me what you think of some of my poems ! WEll keep Up the good work! LOve LOU  


 Love is like a rainbow,
Each color has a differnt meaning.
Lauren Lou
Lani_DarkOne
Member
since 05-28-2000
Posts 152
UK


2 posted 06-08-2000 05:03 PM       View Profile for Lani_DarkOne   Email Lani_DarkOne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lani_DarkOne

Actually I think this is very good, the rhyming and structure gets the point of pain...but the last verse seems like something positive happened..very intruiging, even if the idea came out the spur of the moment ( I think that's the best time to write)

Keep at it!  

 "You could be my unintended
Choice, to live my life extended...." Muse

"Even when we're apart we'll still be under the same sky," LJ Smith

"Hiding in the musty attic is Elusive
She sits, cross legged in a midst dark cobwebs
Several forms scurry to seek shelter
Beneath her levitating shadow.
Her back rigid , eyes glassy
Gazes intently at time escaping
Sliding, smoothly, as sand sprinkles
Through the hour glass,
A single tear grazes her misty cheek." Lani
StarPryncess17
Senior Member
since 05-31-2000
Posts 944
Colorado


3 posted 06-08-2000 06:47 PM       View Profile for StarPryncess17   Email StarPryncess17   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit StarPryncess17's Home Page   View IP for StarPryncess17

wow! how touching! I love it! the way you conveyed your thoughts so organized was very interesting! Keep up the good writing!! Love Always ~*~Jessica Lynn~*~

 "Love is the product of our discontentment with ourselves."
"Bleeding hearts release tears of fire"
"work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt,and live everyday as if it's your last"
CLBinLOVE
Member
since 06-04-2000
Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA


4 posted 06-08-2000 07:54 PM       View Profile for CLBinLOVE   Email CLBinLOVE   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CLBinLOVE

i like how it masks the main point of the poem, the note, until the very end, you dont have time to think about the note that he found in the begining, also, very good rythems, and i could feel the resolution of the guy AND the girl with the last 4 lines
nice writing

 always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside for a while... :)
TearsOfPearls
Member
since 09-23-1999
Posts 323
Vereeniging, South-Africa


5 posted 06-09-2000 01:50 AM       View Profile for TearsOfPearls   Email TearsOfPearls   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for TearsOfPearls

Thanks all four of you, I appreciate your insight on my poem very much, and sure Lou, I'll check out some o your poems.

Thanks again

 Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach.
ChibiDeathscythe
Member
since 06-09-2000
Posts 128


6 posted 06-09-2000 02:03 PM       View Profile for ChibiDeathscythe   Email ChibiDeathscythe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ChibiDeathscythe

I loved that poem! I loved the rhythm, and I will look forward to seeing more of your posts. ^_^

"Why was I so blind,
why could I not see?
If I can't be with her,
I can't be with me."   -  I especially liked that part.

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 09-16-2007
Posts 8075
Realm of Supernatural


7 posted 11-15-2007 07:07 PM       View Profile for Artic Wind   Email Artic Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artic Wind

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND
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