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Teen Poetry #2

Goodbye

Jimmy
Junior Member

since 1999-07-17

Posts 42
Oak Grove

0 posted 2000-05-28 05:14 PM

My world is nothing but a dream,
Everything you see is not what it may seem.

I feel as though I have been thrown aside,
Left hiding every thought inside.

To some i may seem ok,
But im not until my dieing day.

I wish that i could be deceased,
Then all of my anger would then cease.

So to anyone that may read what i write,
Goodbye to all, tomorrow is my last night.

brendon2k
Junior Member

since 2000-05-11

Posts 38
none

1 posted 2000-05-28 05:54 PM

Very Impresive poem! Yet i hope that this is not true for you...we all feel like that sometimes,it will eventually pass. Anyways love the way you put it together, and i think that we could all relate to it at one point in our lives. Overall great poem. keep it up.

Isabelle
Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 176
Indiana

2 posted 2000-05-29 11:09 PM

I agree with brendon I hope that this is not true. You did put together a good poem though i do hope you keep writing.

Isa

"Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls."
~Voltaire~

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

3 posted 2000-05-30 02:48 AM

nice poem, but depressing.. dont' be silly, Jimmy, tomorrow shall not be your last.. don't make it be, anyway..

One thing, u wrote.. "Then all of my anger would then cease" you have used the word 'then' twice here, one is redundant, so, perhaps write 'Then all of my anger would cease' or ' All of my anger would then cease'. ^_^ just a suggestion..

well written..

Lynne

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