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Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2000-05-04 08:37 AM

I'll let my tears flow freely,
I'm not afraid for you to see.
For these are the true colors,
of which you gave to me.
I cannot hold my anger in,
it kills me each time,
you ask me a simple question,
and I lie to cover what's mine.

DragonFang
Senior Member

since 2000-03-09

Posts 522
Missouri, USA

1 posted 2000-05-04 08:45 AM

hmmmm... I like the poem. How about "You gave me . . . " or something along those lines??

"Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \
I am lost in my own mind.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice
From what I've tasted of desire,
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great,
And would suffice.
-Robert Frost

Oo0ostephanio0oO
Member

since 2000-01-19

Posts 194
Massachusetts ~USA~

2 posted 2000-05-04 10:11 AM

Short and to the point. Very nice.
...hmm...
strength, perhaps?
? ? ?
goodluck

(:***Stephani***:)
"A true friend will always stay a friend
whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end."

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

3 posted 2000-05-04 10:31 AM

Sometimes less is more, your poem is short, to the point and well expressed

Title suggestion:The Colours You Gave Unto Me

Take care,
Melissa Honeybee

*~Juliet~*
Junior Member

since 2000-05-02

Posts 19
Key West

4 posted 2000-05-04 06:08 PM

Very nice poem...maybe "true colors"?

Good luck

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

5 posted 2000-05-05 05:52 AM

yes.. effective use of words.. I am not sure though, about the last line..
"and I lie to cover what's mine." "what's mine"? What IS yours? what are you covering? it is a little hard to suggest a title, 'coz I don't understand this line, and, it kinda sounds like the punch line..
but, maybe..
"True Colours" or.. "Don't want to Lie" or.. "I'm not a lie".. umm.. or "I'll let my tears". or something like "I'll lie no more.."

hehe, good luck with your title searching. ^_^

nice work here..

Lynne

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

6 posted 2000-11-08 03:52 PM

thanks all. just addin this to my library

Morning rain fell on my window, and I can't see at all. Even if I could it would all be gray, put your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

7 posted 2007-11-15 07:43 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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