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Thomas Jono
Junior Member

since 2000-03-30

Posts 25

0 posted 2000-04-21 06:21 PM

My one true love,
Is more than I could ever dream of.
She is my lovely dove,
That I could fly with above.

I feel her warm skin against mine,
And I feel that we could be just fine.
There is one thing I can and will see,
That is to be together for all eternity.

God has chosen us to be together,
I will definitely take.
God has put us always forever,
That I will tell you is not fake.

You are my only sunshine,
That will not fade away.
You make me feel fine,
I make you stay.

There is one thing I have to say to you,
And that will always be forever.
That would be I love you,
For it will stay with you till whenever.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

1 posted 2000-04-21 08:29 PM

A very sweet poem and I think that any girl that had a poem like that written about her is very lucky indeed.
I do however have a few litle things to say.
One - you don't have to rhyme if you don't want to...don't be afraid of free verse. It just seemed as though you put words in there just because they rhymed when there could be other words that might capture your emotions better.
And two, usually, if you do rhyme, you use a particular rhyming pattern. I noticed that the pattern in the first two stanzas the pattern was A,A,B,B yet the last three were A,B,A,B. Try to stick to one pattern next time.

A brilliant poem none the less.
Keep up the great work.

Love always,
Shell.

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

2 posted 2000-04-23 09:44 AM

I also like this poem...Lauren sure is a lucky girl...but I also agree with AngelShell on the rhyming thing...but even though...it is a great poem.

Keep on putting your feelings on paper

natalie
Member

since 2000-04-02

Posts 56

3 posted 2000-04-23 01:45 PM

wow, how sweet, I think you're both very lucky to have each other, very good poem,
natalie...

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

4 posted 2000-04-23 04:22 PM

This is sweet, Thomas!!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie

"Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

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