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Passions in Poetry

Plzz.. any suggestions for a title??

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Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


0 posted 04-19-2000 09:32 PM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Yu Lan

yeah, i had a title for this poem.. but I deleted the last verse, so the title is no longer fitting.. ^_^ Any criticisms are also very welcome. ^_^

Un-named

A shy little girl waits by the window,
Hoping to be seen and yet trying to hide.
Uncertainly she lingers,
Wanting to enter, held back by her fear,
She thinks that she knows that she can’t.
So she stays by the window,
As she searches to find in herself,
A courage she wishes she had.
I hold my breath; her hand is raised,
Hesitating, panic stricken.
She will, she won’t, she will, she won’t ...
She glances behind her, wanting to run.
I implore her to stay, beg without words.
Urging her to open,
Opportunities door.
She does not see me,
And her search is unfruitful,
She drops her hand and flees,
Glances up, then averts her eyes,
From my beseeching gaze.
Slips unseen into the crowd,
Gone, lost, her courage; failed.


Lynne
© Copyright 2000 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved
ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


1 posted 04-20-2000 07:54 AM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

Lynne, how about "Almost"....I dunno, it is hard to think of titles isn't it? Hope you find the most fitting title for this poem.

Love and hugs,
Lizzie

PS: I got your critique on my Sunset poem and wanted to let you know I do appreciate it and I am going to try and fix it up as soon as I have done replying to some more poems! Thanks!


 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."
natalie
Member
since 04-02-2000
Posts 56


2 posted 04-21-2000 08:36 AM       View Profile for natalie   Email natalie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for natalie

nice poem, I'm not good in titles, so I can't help you, but I like this poem,
natalie
AngelShell
Senior Member
since 03-01-2000
Posts 526
not heaven nor hell so...


3 posted 04-21-2000 08:50 PM       View Profile for AngelShell   Email AngelShell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AngelShell

How about something like..."Silent Witness"?
I hate putting titles on things too.

As for the critisim thing, I don't have any, I think that it is a wonderful poem only I'm a little unsure of the meaning behind it.
I have an idea but I'm not sure that it's acurate.  My interpretations aren't usually that accurate.  But it almost seems like the little girl is you and the present you is remembering something from your past.  The line that says..."I hold my breath, her hand is raised" and "I implore her to stay, beg without words" could be the older you wanting to change the past but know that you can't.
I don't know, it was just an idea that I had.
What was the motivation behind this poem may I ask?

Love Always,
Shell.
Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


4 posted 01-05-2003 11:58 PM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, I kinda lost this poem! ^_^
Thank you for your suggestions..

Shell yes, you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. ^^ Basically I wrote it because I'd seen a bit of myself in some other people, and wished that they didn't make the same mistakes as me, just because they were shy. Really,  am both the people.

Thank you for reading!!

-Lynne

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 01-09-2003 12:24 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I like "She will, she won't" for the title, though you already came up with a title, so nevermind!
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 09-16-2007
Posts 8075
Realm of Supernatural


6 posted 11-15-2007 07:48 PM       View Profile for Artic Wind   Email Artic Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artic Wind

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND
freelancer
New Member
since 06-19-2009
Posts 2
OK, USA


7 posted 06-19-2009 07:46 PM       View Profile for freelancer   Email freelancer   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for freelancer

i agree with the title 'Silent Witness'. i hope you find the title you are looking for!
 
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