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Teen Poetry #2
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Olga
Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152
Brooklyn, NY, USA

0 posted 2000-04-17 10:30 PM


You say I'm immature.
You say that I'm a kid.
You say that I'm a lil grl,
And theres no where i would fit.

You lied to me and said u care
Now ur saying "let me be,
u don't belong in here with me."

You told me "I'm way too old 4 ,
what will ppl say?"
I answered "age is just a number"
But no matter what i'll do, u will always act this way.

© Copyright 2000 Olga - All Rights Reserved
hoppy
Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271

1 posted 2000-04-18 03:49 PM


i like this piece, the first 2 stanzas are great and show how most underage people feel about adults.  They flow nicely with good rhythm.  But the last stanza seems really out of place and obtrusive to the context of the first 2 stanzas.  I would suggest that you redo the last stanza to make it more fluent and conclude the poem more nicely.  The only part of a poem that people remember are the last 2-3 lines, that is what makes the poem,
just my suggestion

 "Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it."
Henry David Thoreau

Don't look... you might see.
Don't listen... you might hear.
Don't think... you might learn.
Don't walk... you might stumble.
Don't run... you might fall.
Don't make a decision... you might be wrong.
Don't live...you might die.

Olga
Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152
Brooklyn, NY, USA
2 posted 2000-04-18 07:53 PM


I'm sorry that u misunderstood the meaning of this poem, it had nothing to do with how underaged ppl feel about adults.
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