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Teen Poetry #2
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emptyness
Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 95
mobile,Ala,USA

0 posted 2000-03-27 07:50 PM



these are a group of words that describe a very important part of my life    see if you can feel the emotions i felt

seeing...talking...considering...detained...   secretive...planning...asking...rejoicing...holding ...kissing...looseing...crying...decomposing... begging...loosing...fighting...crying...crying...
crying...running...hiding...found...befriending.

        and now i am happy



 "scribere iussit amor" love commanded me to write


© Copyright 2000 emptyness - All Rights Reserved
anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
1 posted 2000-03-27 09:02 PM


yes I can feel what you were going through here. Good work.

~AF~

ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
2 posted 2000-03-28 06:07 AM


I can feel it alright! There are plenty of feelings there, I can imagine the scenario.
Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
3 posted 2000-03-28 03:34 PM


This read seemed like an emotional roller coaster ride.  Three words lacked -ing.
The write might have been interesting if each emotion was followed by its opposite as you experienced it.  
Anyway, a little refinement may make it more poetic if thats your intention.

Regardless, to be happy in the end is what counts.
DH

angel6917
Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
WI
4 posted 2000-03-28 03:54 PM


I liked this-
I understood completely what the scenario could've been.
I think that's the scenario I'm in the middle of right now.
~Kristi Lynn

April Resi
Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 119
Alabama
5 posted 2000-03-28 05:18 PM


Nice work!
It's always nice to see something a little different in here. I'm glad you are happy now!
April

pharon
Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251
alabama
6 posted 2000-03-28 05:25 PM


good job!! the vivid words help express emotion. i'm really glad you are happy now  
UnPumpkin
Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 18

7 posted 2001-03-25 01:25 AM


You have captured perfectly how i feel about you. And also made me insanely jealous.
emptyness
Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 95
mobile,Ala,USA
8 posted 2001-03-27 05:06 PM


blah
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
9 posted 2007-11-15 07:46 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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