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True Loss
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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True Loss |
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April Resi Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 119Alabama |
True loneliness Having love, but not being able to see it. True sadness Seing love, but not being able to hold it. True heartache Holding love, but not really feeling it. True loss Feeling love, but not being able to show it. Any comments on the wording of this one? I wrote it in one big rush a while back, then changed it around about a hundred times since then and I can't make up my mind about it. Any suggestions on the order or the wording??? Thank you! |
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| © Copyright 2000 April - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
I like your poem as it is. Maybe others won't agree with me but anyay. The one change I would suggest is that you say "True heartache Holding love but not being able to feel it. So that it follows the same pattern as the rest of it. I like the simplicity and simple truth behind it. |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Kinda agree with ESP about the wording. There are many possible ways to phrase the poem but whats important is your personal expression. I like the structure and the expression you try to convey. |
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April Resi Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 119Alabama |
Thanks for your thoughts.... I was debating over whether or not to re-word that line or leave it like it was, so I guess I should change it to fit the rest of the poem. Thank you for your input! April |
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*Nene* Junior Member
since 2000-03-15
Posts 16 |
Thanks for writing this poem because you put into words what I'm feeling. |
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