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Teen Poetry #2
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a wound like no other (repost) please reply:)
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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a wound like no other (repost) please reply:) |
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4eva_at_heart Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 238 |
this is one of my poems...well the only one that i am slightly proud of. contrutive critisism is more than welcome and please if you have any suggestions on how i can improve it, don't hesitate to leave a helping hint  dreams and reality i sometimes mistake for what i dream is what i desire to be loved by another to which i can return a love as majestic as the swirling flames of a fire the search can now be abandoned for a love like no other i yearned my heart has now been forever scarred for the heat of your fire as deeply burned since when before has a burn been so intense? a deep wound i now hold a wound filled with passion and no regrets i treasure this scar like a precious lump of gold another dream i will conjure in the hopes that again it will become real i dream that you will stay by me forever for i never want this wound to heal |
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| © Copyright 2000 Bec - All Rights Reserved | |||
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dazed Member
since 2000-03-13
Posts 119USA |
Good work bec!! The only thing I see is the third verse is kinda out of rhythm with the rest of the poem... Umm try takin out a couple words in the third verse so it flows like the rest of them like the last line could mean the same thing if you just put.. A wound to me, like gold... or something... great peice though I like the words you use in it!! P.S Got the e-mail they were great poems if ya have more go ahead and mail em!! your friend Dana |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Nice work. I agree that it gets wordy in a couple places, and it disturbs the flow. Otherwise, I feel you have expressed the thought very well. |
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