navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » true love Compared to my past
Teen Poetry #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic true love Compared to my past Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
huney_mel
Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 52


0 posted 2000-03-12 10:15 PM


I love it when you hold me,
So very close to you,
I love it when you talk to me,
And feel the same as i do.
I love it when we kiss,
Soft and tenderly,
I love it when you are near,
Or when you're close to me.
I love it when you laugh,
You're just so sweet to me,
I love it when you smile,
But theres still more to see.
I love it when you play with my hair,
Or massage or scratch my back,
I love it how you do things for me,
As i know im very slack.
I love it when we talk,
Or when you hold my hand,
I love it when we go to the park,
Away to our special land.
As you can see i love you,
And i want this time of my life to last,
I'm so happy when im near you,
Compared to alkl my past.

© Copyright 2000 huney_mel - All Rights Reserved
DragonFang
Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522
Missouri, USA
1 posted 2000-03-12 10:24 PM


very nice poem. Think that maybe some of the lines could be smoothed a bit, but that is a minor detail and can easily be overlooked. You have great potential, hope to see more from you. Welcome to passions.

 "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." I am lost in my own mind.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
2 posted 2000-03-12 10:38 PM


nice work. Like dragon fang I agree that some lines need to be smoothed out but overall this is a good poem. let me guess.....Glenn is the guy?? or maybe it is elvis again.....

EJ

Astraea
Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now
3 posted 2000-03-13 12:10 PM


Lovely poem.  Not as smooth as it could be, but lovely nonetheless.  Doesn't alter the pure affection in it though.  Very nice.

Welcome to Passions and especially the Teen Forum.

~Astraea

 "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."



Singer1981
Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 148
Fredonia, NY USA
4 posted 2000-03-15 09:32 AM


Mel,
   It seems as if I've gotten to your other poems before this one.  Anyways...this was really great.  This guy is lucky to have you love him so much.  And if I ever feel this way about someone...I might just borrow your poem.  
~Sarah

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » true love Compared to my past

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary