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Teen Poetry #2
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LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
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since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697


0 posted 2000-03-05 02:54 PM


Oceans
There are many in my life
Keeping me away from what I want

But there is one
The biggest I've ever known
It keeps me from the one thing
I want more than anything...
Love

He is so close sometimes
But he doesn’t reach out, and nether do I
His coldness and my fear
Make up this vast ocean
That I’m not ready to cross yet

But someday, I will build a ship
A strong ship
The nails will be hope
The boards will be courage
And the sails will be my dreams
And I will begin the journey
From my heart to his

The winds will blow
And, at times, I’ll think I may not make it
But I’ll be content to die trying
Then I wouldn’t have to spend my life
Playing “What if...”

But, if I make it across this ocean
To the one I want more than anything
The harsh trip will just be a memory
And I’ll know nothing but love

But, until that day
That I’m ready to build that ship
I will have my dreams

I just hope he doesn’t go back
To where he came from
Across an actual ocean
To where there is no return

<!signature-->

<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="1" color="#000080"> "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world"
</font>

[This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 03-05-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
1 posted 2000-03-05 04:00 PM


Oh my, Lovebug. This is a beauty! I am astounded with your talents. Who needs stuctured verse, when you write free verse like this. I am so excited and happy with this poem, but of course not with the situation in the poem. I have lived this poem, and I know how hard it is to make that move.
Love it!
Liz

DarkMoon
New Member
since 1999-12-25
Posts 9

2 posted 2000-03-05 04:29 PM


Love the poem. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I just hope you have better luck with your ocean than I did with mine. Great work

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
3 posted 2000-03-05 05:40 PM


great work Lovebug. This is a good poem. I love the way that you have described everthing that I was feeling a little while back. It is just fantastic.

Good job.  

~AF~

Paul Hoekman
Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 382
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>
4 posted 2000-03-05 07:23 PM


You got me with the title.
I love the ocean and mostly sailing
across it. And can relate with
this beautiful piece of work.
Imagery!

LyricFetish
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina
5 posted 2000-03-05 07:37 PM


you did a good job of portraying your feelings, especially by writing them as an *extended metaphor*. I'm moocho impressed.
           

Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
6 posted 2000-03-05 09:54 PM


Beautiful LoveBug, very beautiful.  Hold on to your dreams, for they will come true someday.  

 *Krista Knutson*

"Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul...." ~*Sarah McLachlan- Do What You Have To Do*~


Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
7 posted 2000-03-07 09:30 PM


Excellent free verse LoveBug, it suits you well  
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

8 posted 2000-03-07 09:40 PM


Thanks for the nice comments, everyone! Your opinions mean a lot to me!!!!!

 "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world"

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