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Teen Poetry #2
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Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781


0 posted 2000-03-05 11:24 AM


bring me back one of the old days
and no longer will i wish
no longer will i wonder whatever happened to us
bring me one solid standing and sweep my soul away
and don't leave me here standing alone as ever before
return me in a hurry and stop feeding me the hate
that's buried so deep in me in brief disguise
i want the world in peace
i want my mind and soul
i want to escape from this horrid discussion
bring back the memories when i was young
bring back the love and carring i need now
bring back the heart i owned as a child
and take away the misery
the pain
the aching
i've entered the world in chours and now i depart with this
take my life away now
take my only tenderness


I don't know what to do with this one. It's just so many thoughts all cluttered I guess. And suggestions are definatly welcome! Please!
[This message has been edited by Salooma (edited 03-06-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Ron (06-25-2011 10:17 AM).]

© Copyright 2000 Salooma - All Rights Reserved
Paul Hoekman
Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 382
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>
1 posted 2000-03-05 02:50 PM


I think you've done well
with this one.
But my advice would be not bring it back
but find newness in the future
memories are nice
but present and future is Life.
And it can become whatever we want it to be.

devil_tongue
Member
since 2000-03-02
Posts 50

2 posted 2000-03-05 05:45 PM


I agree with paul in regards to his comment. Leave the happy memories where they are and find even more joyful ones in your future.

All in all, good poem.

Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

3 posted 2000-03-06 04:57 PM


Paul and devil_tounge: Thanks for repling. You guys are right, but sometimes I just wish everything was different. Everyday I wish I was living a day that had passed and I guess I had to for once write about it, it's just some stuff I'm going through. Glad you liked it.

Salma

 "Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders."

Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
4 posted 2000-03-06 05:53 PM


Would agree with the others.  Look to the future for that is where you will be spending you life.  Learn from the past but don't try to relive it.  
I feel your a good writer and I look forward to more of your work.
Good luck.

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