navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » down in the pit
Teen Poetry #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic down in the pit Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana

0 posted 2000-02-24 05:40 PM



bodies floating
on a tumultous sea
of tranquility
--hey!
Dang it! that's my notebook
you're stepping on--
how an ocean
so vioent in the
middle
could look so calm
from afar
--crap!
gotta move
slam dancers
moving this way--
seemingly moved
by the music
on some
subconscious frequency
--wow, is that guy
bleeding?
oh man!
my book bag,
covered in
beer and dirt--
and like a cobra
it all
goes still
as the music
stops
--i'm moving!
sit by
the stoners
they don't move
around too much--

© Copyright 2000 rich cooper - All Rights Reserved
Sara
Junior Member
since 2000-02-24
Posts 27
LaCrosse WI, United States
1 posted 2000-02-24 07:50 PM


Wow, this poem is different from the others I've read so far.  I really like it, though. It's humorous and it's serious and it really works well.
Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

2 posted 2000-02-25 12:44 PM


I like this....I wish I could understand what you meant by it, but it's really creative. I like the way you just put different things together and interconnect them somehow. Great..

Salma

 "Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders."

Jer
Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443
USA
3 posted 2000-02-25 12:54 PM


Very interesting. I am not sure what you were trying to say or describe. However, it has me thinking! Maybe you can enlighten us all and give us a little commentary on it.

 "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler

rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana
4 posted 2000-02-25 02:40 PM


hmmm, well the pit is the place on the floor at a rock concert were people crowd surf and slam dance(basically they beat on each other)  i was writing about the pit(the sea or ocean) because i always thought it looks kinda peaceful from afar, the writer is in th epit at the time, hence all the injected thoughts.

rich-pa

Oo0ostephanio0oO
Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194
Massachusetts ~USA~
5 posted 2000-02-25 08:21 PM


Until I read your reply, I would have never thought what you were actually describing, but I see it much clearer. You used a great way to express the emotion, and the words you used made it more powerful.  Keep up the good work!  

 (:***Stephani***:)
"A true friend will always stay a friend
whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end."


Jer
Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443
USA
6 posted 2000-02-26 12:20 PM


Ahhh... I see now. I have been in many pits before. I must say the best one I have been in was at the 1999 Van's Warped Tour. The Def Tones started playing and boom....  Best pit I have ever been in. I do not think I would have attributed your poem to a mosh-pit unless you told me in the beginning. You may want to work it into the title. Just a suggestion though.

 "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler

rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana
7 posted 2000-02-26 07:21 PM


it is in the title.
poetry_kills
Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
8 posted 2000-02-29 12:24 PM


rich-pa: i know i shouldn't laugh at your injury, but i couldn't help it reading this... for some reason i find it hilarious ^_^*... i hope you had a good time at the concert anyway *hehehehehe*

sincerely,
jerome the mysterious priest (that knows enough to stay OUT of the pit)

 Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
--[billy corgan]--

appaz
New Member
since 2000-02-27
Posts 4

9 posted 2000-03-02 04:27 PM


hmmm...you should have a poetry reading next time you are in "the pit"

"The price of meat has just gone up, and your old lady has just gone down"
                      -Frank Zappa

[This message has been edited by appaz (edited 03-10-2000).]

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » down in the pit

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary