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Teen Poetry #2
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Goodbye...
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Goodbye... |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
I think this is one of my better poems I have written so I decided to repost it here for you guys to see(It is also posted in Dark Passions) Goodbye... is only the title, im not actually leaving  And also I am not actually going to commit suicide, despite the theme of the poem. Enjoy!Blood flows forth down fingers red. Who will miss me when I am dead? Not the ones that I once knew. Friendship I have known not true. Pain and sorrow have I known. Only rejection was I shown. No one came when I did cry. Would they care if I now die? No one tried to touch my heart, Only did they want to part. Was I such a horrid beast? Love I knew not in the least. Falling deep into despair, I could see, they did not care. Why did no one look and see, What the world has done to me Now I lay for final rest, Gone from world that I detest. [This message has been edited by Mistikman (edited 02-20-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Travis Welton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Wow.....I thought that was beautiful! I loved it...I know exactly what you mean. I've felt like that before....but life goes on no matter what you do. Keep smilin' Salma |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Very well-written Mistik! I think your "darker side" is a wonderful poet! "The bullets you bite from the pain you request, you're finding harder to digest" -Collective Soul |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Wonderfully written Travis. The meter is smooth except for 2 places where I tripped up. If you want me to go father indepth with that..let me know. |
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-LeAnn- Junior Member
since 2000-02-19
Posts 13San Antonio,TX |
GREAT POEM!!!! u have talent!!!  I'm impressed!! lol Wow………… i wish i had such depth…… i feel so shallow…… LMAO j/p But i love that…… KEEP IT UP!!!!! L8rz |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Salooma- Thank you I shall try.LyricFetish- Thanks, my darker side is usually stronger than my lighter side, it has more ammunition Marilyn- please do, I am always looking for ways to improve my poetry(especially my meter) Lemme guess, its Surely not those that I knew and Tired of failing life's test Am I right? I trip up a little when I hit each of those lines, more on the second than the first though. I think taking out the word that in the first one will be sufficient to fix it, what do you think? I dont quite know how to deal with the second one  -LeAnn- Thank you, I am flattered If you want to see real depth, check out Michael in Open #6 and Dark Passions, his recent stuff has been absolutely incredible. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
I finally made it over here to read your work. WOW! You have great flow. Sad message though. There is One who cares. The world can be a tough place, with a lot of folk who seem not to care! Excellent writing! <*\\\>< There's only two ways you can go... One way you can save your riches, And the other will save your soul. Rich Mullins |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
WhtDove- Thank you. It is merely coincidence that your first impression of my poetry is that it has good flow This is the first poem I have written that has had proper meter the whole way through, thanks to the help of a certain moderator with much more skill than I. Thanks again Marilyn!! I know the message is sad, but unfortunately some of us have to deal with those feelings every day, I guess it's just how the cards were dealt. Thanks for the support, I know I can always come here when life has me down. |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
this was good mistik I loved it. I've felt this way many times and I agree with what u said about ur darker side being stronger than ur lighter side because I know mine is anywhoo great poem  To be or not to be...that is the question.[hamlet] |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Why thank you chic, I appreciate the support Our darker sides can be very interesting and very scary to explore at times, but it makes great inspiration for poetry |
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Gadget28 Junior Member
since 2000-02-21
Posts 33Miami, Florida United States |
This is so good!!!!!! I can relate to this poem many times! |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
The words are so powerful. I really liked this. It's just sad that I have felt this way at one point in my life. I just hope I won't feel it again. (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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