Teen Poetry #2 |
Kisses |
potrygirl Junior Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 23Peoria, Arizona, United States |
Thanks Again for your input!! Kisses Your kisses put my head in the clouds. Your kisses conect me to a world where I leave everything behind. Your kisses overtake me build me up and let me down again. Your kisses have the power to make a bad day good or a good day fantastic. Your lips contain such passion, fire, and flame. That I need not any further I crave not anymore because you give me more them I could ever want or need. -Stacye Walters- P.S. Thanks for the editing help and that last line idea i like wish i would of thought of it. [This message has been edited by potrygirl (edited 02-18-2000).] |
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© Copyright 2000 Stacey Carroll - All Rights Reserved | |||
LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Well, it seems this guy is a great kisser! I think you meant to say "have" instead of "has" in the fourth line. Also, I think your last sentence would work better if you changed the order to something like "I no longer must know such craving". Just a few suggestions. Interesting topic by the way. "The bullets you bite from the pain you request, you're finding harder to digest" -Collective Soul |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
I also liked the topic and your expressions. Your on your way to being a good poet. Keep writing! Danny |
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