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Passions in Poetry

Please Read My Poem

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Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


0 posted 02-17-2000 08:32 AM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Allysa

Everyone knew her,
the queen of them all.
But no one understood,
how did she fall?
The seven that knew,
kept very far away.
from the place where they pushed her,
on that lonely day.
It was stormy outside,
and with a hug and a kiss,
she left her parents,
I guess the story goes like this.
SHe didn't have time,
to wonder why.
She didn't know that day was the day she would die.
She stood in castle,
with the trees as her home.
When suddenly she felt,
she was not alone.
How could they do that,
diliberatly?
To not look back,
at the caused misery.
THey would never come forward,
to admit what they'd done.
They thought they weren't guilty,
it was just a bit of fun.

----------------------------------------------------
Don't ask me, I don't know exactly where that came from. I'm not a murderer.


 Loves may seem forgotten, but the true will once shine through.
© Copyright 2000 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
rich-pa
Member
since 02-07-2000
Posts 325
New Orleans, Louisiana


1 posted 02-17-2000 01:07 PM       View Profile for rich-pa   Email rich-pa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rich-pa

i actually enjoyed this poem. i think this line would go better if it were broken in two:

She didn't know that day was the day she would die.

other than that though i dig it.  i didn't see it as a murder but more as a person going over the playing of some crual joke upon them.  welcome to passions.
rich-pa
rich-pa
Member
since 02-07-2000
Posts 325
New Orleans, Louisiana


2 posted 02-17-2000 01:08 PM       View Profile for rich-pa   Email rich-pa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rich-pa

oops, i said welcome to passions, i thought this was one with the flashing folder.  oh well, welcome anyways
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


3 posted 02-17-2000 04:53 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

The joy of artistic lisence is, you don't have to write from actual experiences. I enjoyed your poem and it flowed very nicely. Well done.  
thebob
Junior Member
since 02-16-2000
Posts 14


4 posted 02-17-2000 05:30 PM       View Profile for thebob   Email thebob   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for thebob

hey i like it too. i liked how it flowed off the tounge. the best writings don't have to come from anywhere in particular.
Jer
Member
since 12-02-1999
Posts 455
USA


5 posted 02-17-2000 09:52 PM       View Profile for Jer   Email Jer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jer

I liked this one a lot. It reminded me of something medievil. I think it was the whole castle thing. Anyways, good job!

 "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler
Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


6 posted 02-18-2000 03:55 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

Thank you for reading my poem. I enjoy reading compliments. My friends at school always think I am talking about expirence or something that I am going to do.Like when i wrote a poem about a girl who commits suicide, they freaked out.

 Loves may seem forgotten, but the true will once shine through.
LyricFetish
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 515
North Carolina


7 posted 02-18-2000 07:04 PM       View Profile for LyricFetish   Email LyricFetish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LyricFetish

I also enjoyed this. I don't always write from experience, if I did, half my poems would be un-written. My experience level is at a minimum. Anyways, good poem, I don't think I've ever read any from you. Nice work!

 "The bullets you bite from the pain you request, you're finding harder to digest" -Collective Soul
poetic_butterfly
Junior Member
since 02-14-2000
Posts 25
illinois, usa


8 posted 02-18-2000 07:09 PM       View Profile for poetic_butterfly   Email poetic_butterfly   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit poetic_butterfly's Home Page   View IP for poetic_butterfly

i liked the medieval theme also. i usually can't stand rhyming poetry but this was actually very nice. good work, keep it up.

 ....the words that stand still are often the ones that move us most....
Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


9 posted 11-08-2000 04:07 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

just addin this to my library.


Morning rain fell on my window, and I can't see at all. Even if I could it would all be gray, put your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 09-16-2007
Posts 8075
Realm of Supernatural


10 posted 11-15-2007 07:43 PM       View Profile for Artic Wind   Email Artic Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artic Wind

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND
 
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