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I Want
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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I Want |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
I want to be with you I desire you I need you I love you I fantasize about you I dream of you I love you I care for you I think of you I love you I adore you I want you I love you Do you desire me? Do you need me? Do you love me? Do you fantasize about me? Do you dream of me? Do you love me? Do you care for me? Do you think of me? Do you love me? Do you adore me? Do you want me? Do you love me? Do you want to be with me? * February 14, 2000 * 1:25 am * Too bad he broke up with me thursday...he was my first love... (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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| © Copyright 2000 Stephani Ann - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
stephani: this is obviously an honest and from-the-heart poem... i think you've written a poem expressing the common sentiments of the teenage romantic heart, but i also feel that you didn't put your best poetic skills to work in this... anyone can ask these questions... your job as the poet is to elaborate on them and explore them (some would even say it is best to ANSWER them)... i think with a little work and a little imagination that you could turn this into a much better poem... sincerely, jerome the melancholy priest A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Interesting poem. I do agree with Jerome on the "could be better" point. I personly found myself lost and wondering why you were asking questions in the end. Take Jerome's advice and elaborate on the topic. You'll see, it will work out. "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
Well, I am not going to fix it. Sorry guys!  I GAVE this to him, for him to come to me and answer me. He never did. So I know what he wants, and it's not me.  (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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