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A couple of minutes
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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A couple of minutes |
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*TruAngel* New Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 2Milan, Italy, |
A couple of minutes I feared were our last, A couple of minutes, flash backs of the past A couple of minutes, I though Id be alone A couple of minutes, our voice on the phone One last wisper, One last fight One last love, One last night Never so scared, never so alone Never so releive to hear the ring of the phone Dont take my soul, Dont take my life Your the only man, I want to make a wife Don't leave me frightened, all by myself, your the only star in my sky, stay with me forever, Or Ill be next to die! I'll do anything you wish, to want me and you to keep going, Keep the love for real, and forever growing. Please keep my love, my best friend, no matter what we go through, Promise we'll stick together in everything we do Forget the hurt, forget the past, lets make our love, so it will always last Never leave me alone to be byy myself in this world of hate, Remember the beach, our very first date? I love you forever, no matter what you do, pleae dont go back to that night, or all of me will die to A couple of minutes , you called me whack A couple of minutes , I almost looked back. [This message has been edited by *TruAngel* (edited 02-05-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Angel Montague - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
i really like this poem, the theme of "one last...." really makes you think. the thing that bothered me was the flow of the lines, a few of the lines with 2-3 commas really tripped me up. Maybe you could shorten the lines with more concise wording? the ending of the poem i like "A couple of minutes , you called me whack A couple of minutes , I almost looked back." not really sure why, just like those 2 lines NEW POETRY FORUM NOW OPEN "If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity." SUBMIT YOUR POETRY HERE, AWSOME PAGE. NEW POETRY FORUM ADDED Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. THE PAGE OF PURE POETIC EXPRESSION!! |
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Astraea Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now |
Welcome to Passions! Lovely poem. I, too, like the last two lines. Something very sharp about them. Nice. ~Astraea "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness." "Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." |
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