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Clouds
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Clouds |
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Singer1981 Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 148Fredonia, NY USA 
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<font face="Arial, Arial, Verdana" color="#000000" size="2">I feel as if the sky is closing The clouds envelop me and I cannot see Cannot think I can't keep my head above the clouds I feel as if I'm drowning In an endless sea Of longing, of hope If there was hope It would be my safety, Soemthing to cling to in this sea I find myself gasping for air As I think of how much I miss him It's been three days Or has it been three years Even three minutes seems like an eternity Without him by my side.</font> [This message has been edited by Singer1981 (edited 02-02-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sarah Goldstein - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Hey...... good job. I know excatly what you are talking about in this poem. I hope everything works out for you. |
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Singer1981 Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 148Fredonia, NY USA |
Thanks Jer! I wrote this awhile ago though, and unfortunately things didn't work...seems they never do. But oh well, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Thanks again!!  ~Sarah |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
i hope thins go better for you singer.. ~~Lavada~~ "Superiority to fate is difficult to learn. 'Tis not conferred by any, but possible to earn"--Emily Dickinson-"Superiority of Fate" |
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Singer1981 Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 148Fredonia, NY USA |
Thanks sweet college girl. You really are a sweetheart. Hehe.~Sarah |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
singer: this is wonderful... very descriptive... i love all the metaphors... i only have one suggestion, and that is that you add another time-describing word to line 13 (so that it might read "it's been three eon years" or "it's been three ageless years")... i think that would aide you in describing the difference between the actual length of time and the way you percieve the passing of that time... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Singer1981 Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 148Fredonia, NY USA |
Jerome-Thanks for your comments! When you said that, I realized that I'd completely forgot a line of the poem! I've fixed it so now it says what it should have in the first place!! Thanks!! ~Sarah |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Great poem. I know what you mean. Great discriptions as well! Salma |
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