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Hidden thoughts
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Hidden thoughts |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV 
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What does it matter, What we think on the inside? So, shes attracted to girls, And he, to guys. I know for some people its hard, But they are no different from you and I. I, myself have a secret, That few people know. Those who do, Don’t look at me any different. I hear people all around, Telling me its wrong. But I just can't help, What I felt when we kissed. I never said a word, Until you told me your secret. Mine, you’ve known for awhile, Somehow, it’s easier when you have someone by your side. I never quite saw why it mattered, It was their business, not mine. Friends no matter what, Then my secret came out. A forbidden crush, To no one else did it matter. I have love for many people, He and she, it doesn’t matter. thank you for your suggestion, it does sound better this way  *how was i to kno that today id meet someone like you? how was i to see the light with him in my path and you too far to touch?* [This message has been edited by Tamma (edited 02-01-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Tamma M. Wilson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
tamma: i have to say that i disagree with the ethic(?) expressed, but the poem itself is good and you develop your stance fairly well... i do think you should work to make a few of the lines a little more conformed to the rest of the poem... for example: "Somehow, it’s easier when you know you have someone by your side" might flow better if you shortened it to "somehow, it's easier when someone's on your side" and also you might lengthen "A crush" to "a forbidden crush --"... just a few suggestions... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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The Haunted Poet Junior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 37Sumner Washington |
Hey, I've mingled with the adult poetry and I must say, this poem is a whole lot better than some in there! Good work and I agree with the advice that the kid with no brain has said. Keep it up! |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
Thank you both for responding It is easier to let people know how i feel thru writing rather than speaking, as i am a much better writer than speaker  *how was i to kno that today id meet someone like you? how was i to see the light with him in my path and you too far to touch?* |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
Beautiful poem Tamma! wonderfully expressed too! |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
im not sure how many people on this forum have had feelings towards the same sex, but this poem shows as much of it as i could *how was i to kno that today id meet someone like you? how was i to see the light with him in my path and you too far to touch?* |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
tamma: *flabergasted* i think that's the first time i've ever seen someone actually take my advice on a poem *heh*... i'm honored  sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Tamma- I think you did a good job expressing your feelings...I can't say I relate to your sentiments, but I'm sure there are those who can. |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
i basically wrote this for my friend, which shall remain nameless she knows who she is~~~Tamma~~~ *how was i to kno that today id meet someone like you? how was i to see the light with him in my path and you too far to touch?* |
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