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Teen Poetry #2
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If Only
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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If Only |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
IF ONLY If only I could hold you tight, and try to make everything all right. If only I could take your hand, and try to make you understand. If only we could work things out, because that's what relationships are all about. If only I could make you see just how much you mean to me. If only I could show you how I feel, and tell you that my feelings are real. ~Kristi Lynn for Todd from Oconto "Sometimes people care too much. I think it's called love." -Winnie the Pooh |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kristi Stanczak - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Great poem, it seems to follow my general situation right now. Poetry is always so much better when you have some kind of emotional connection with it. Keep up the good work  I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
nice poem, though the blatant rhyme scheme was a bit frustrating to read, i don't have much room to talk but just my observation, other than that it's a good poem "Which is the dream?" SUBMIT YOUR POETRY HERE, AWSOME PAGE. http://members.xoom.com/weeklyhoppy |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Just a couple of suggestions. You have a great meter (flow) going but a couple of lines throw it off. Here are my suggestions on how to smooth it out. If only I could hold you tight, and try to make all things right. If only I could take your hand, and try to make you understand. If only we could work things out, You know that is what it's all about. If only I could make you see, just how much you mean to me. If I could show you how I feel, Tell you that it all is real. There are still some problems in the meter with thses changes but you get the idea. Good job! |
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