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The Thing You Always Do
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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The Thing You Always Do |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
The Things You Always Do You always try to make me happy, And yet you have no clue what makes me sad. You always want me to feel fulfilled, But how can I when part of me is missing? You always try to remind me of how much I still have to learn, But when have you taken the time to see the world through my eyes? You always care to remind me of what's right and what's wrong, But why can't you let me learn it for myself? You always set these high expectations of me, But why doens't it make you proud to see me try? You always blame me for being so much different than the world, But how can I accept myself being the same? You've never cared to ask me just what I think of life, So how can you ask me to tell you the secrets of my soul? You've always critized the way I talk, walk, and dress, So why I still love you is a mystery to me. You never understood me and I don't think you ever will. 'Cause I'm not like you and not like the world. Why can't you just accept me the way I am now? Why can't you look into my eyes and tell me that you care? Why can't you bring me closer to your eternal lines, When my own have been broken and trampled over? Why am I always the victim of your brutal attacks? Just because I don't think like you. Just ecause I don't talk like you. Love like you. Hurt like you. Just let me learn to live like I can and for once just trust me. [This message has been edited by Salooma (edited 02-06-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Salooma - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Very powerful and very well done. Welcome to passions, I look foreward to reading more of your poetry, it is wonderful. I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
salooma: very good work... the sentiments are some that are common to a lot of people and that gives your poem a powerful universality... i only have a few suggestions to make... the first is that you break up the extra-long line into two... perhaps as the following: "Why can't you bring me closer to your eternal lines "when my own have been broken and trampled over?" the second suggestion is that you make a statement at the end instead of a question (to give the poem closure)... perhaps simply change "and for once could you trust me?" to "and for once, trust me." I feel that the poem would leave the reader with a much more powerful effect if you did that... hope i've been of some help... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Great poem. It is really good. Write some more. I am waiting to get my hands on them to read.  |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Indeed very powerful. Welcome To Passions! This sounds a lot like what a friend of mine is going through right now. Great work! Oh and psst, look for a special surprise in your mailbox! *Krista Knutson* ~*Like a lion, without fear of the howling pack, Like a gust of wind, ne'er trapped in a snare, Like a lotus blossom, ne'er sprinkled by water, Let me, like a unicorn, in solitude roam.*~ Hymn Of Buddha |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions!! My suggestions or comments are about the content of this poem. You are special and a wonderful human being. Don't waist your time with someone who belittles and disrespects who you are. You are worth more then someone trying to change you. Be yourself and find someone who can appreciate you for you. Keep writing and I am looking forward to seeing more form you.  |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Thanks for all the replies and the input! I really appreciate it. Salooma |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Great job on the poem. However I too would like to echo the comments that Marilyn has made. Don't waist your time on someone like that. It was a nice first post. Welcome to Passions! |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Thanks Jer....but you see I wrote this poem a while ago and it's how I felt about one of my parents not a boyfriend or something. It was something I was going through i guess... Thanks again Salooma |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Thanks for the advice Jerome. I've edited the poem a bit. Thanks a lot. Salma |
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kari Member
since 1999-10-03
Posts 104Hyde Park, Ut, USA |
Can i just say: "Amen" to your whole poem. That is one of the best pieces I've read... probably because I am fully in your shoes. I didn't even have to read the replies to guess that it was about parents because yours totally reflect mine. I am in a huge fight with my dad (again) and haven't spoken with him for days even though I live in the same household. I can't even begin to explain the differences between us... the perspectives that he has allowed himself to get locked into. I praise your work! Write more! kari |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
salooma: very nice... me like  in all honesty, i'm honored that you'd take my advice... thank you for doing this pitiful soul a great service sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
great poem and welcome  |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
kari: thanks for your comment. a while ago me and my dad were in a big arguement also about what I don't know so I guess i wrote this so soothe myself more than anything else. never had the nerve to actually give it to them though. but i know how you feel now and you'll get through it poetry_kills: no problema....why wouldn't i take your advice...it's really good advice chic: thanks a lot. Salma |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
This poem so reflects my own feelings! You said it oh so well. I have grown up feeling this exact same way when it comes to my mom, and a lot of other people as well! Great job in expressing yourself with this one, I can feel the emotion in it! Just be glad I'm not your child! *evil grin* |
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HelmutB Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964Canada |
A nice poem you set in style I know how you feel so well are your words Excellent, the poem that is The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools. |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
This poem speaks volumes and expresses the importance of each person being themselves. Be yourself and never apologize for that. Good writing! Danny |
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Majestic Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 264houston, tx. |
ditto on all the above..you truly have a gift at expressive poetry...very nice work indeed.. "To live is to love; To truly LOVE is to live!" ~kg~ |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
well, you said this was about your parents and i must say that as soon as i read it made me think of my dad, right from line one. so excellent work and keep 'em coming |
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