Love, tell me what to do...

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Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2000-01-27 05:54 PM

Oh, Love, I ask, what shall I do? My life has lost its sense;
How might I start to make amends with happiness I knew?
Return my cheeks their lively hue! so vivid, so intense;
Allow me, Love, to recompense the debts I owe to you!

In dreams, I seek your vibrant eyes-- your wild, hungry stare.
The sultry perfume that you wear has left me hypnotized;
It pained me so to sacrifice a love that seemed so rare,
And now this heavy cross I bear beneath a gay disguise.

I stand alone, by loss amazed, while drowning in remorse,
My perfect love was proven false; my empty heart is dazed--
I say this numbness is a phase, the world will find its course,
And slowly, then, my beating pulse will echo in her place!

[This message has been edited by Master (edited 01-27-2000).]

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 2000-01-27 06:53 PM

Bravo Master. Well done.

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

2 posted 2000-01-27 08:07 PM

Thank you kindly, glad that you liked this one, I'm not sure if the first stanza is good, should I change it?

Astraea
Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now

3 posted 2000-01-27 10:43 PM

Me like, me like very much. Lovely poem.

~Astraea

"Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

4 posted 2000-01-28 04:21 PM

WOW!! Great poem. Do write another one, quick quick, i'll be waiting for it!

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

5 posted 2000-01-28 08:04 PM

Thank you ESP and Astrea! Glad you liked it!

LyricFetish
Senior Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 528
North Carolina

6 posted 2000-01-28 08:14 PM

Beautifully written and nicely expressed. I like it.

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

7 posted 2000-01-28 08:47 PM

Ooops double post!

[This message has been edited by Master (edited 01-28-2000).]

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

8 posted 2000-01-28 08:47 PM

I like it too, I like it a lot... I love it!

Man, since the "5 funny poems" my ego has outgrown me! LOL I'm one talented poet!

Thank you for your comments!

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

9 posted 2000-01-29 12:28 PM

Very difficult scheme here master
pulled it off quite nicely =)
sweet sweet work

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

10 posted 2000-01-29 01:01 PM

I've tried this scheme a couple of times before and it's not as hard as it may seem. I'm not sure it I really pulled it off in this poem, the previous ones were better.

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