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| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Broken |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
Someone say something Anything at all Heart start beating again Silence cuts through like a knife Someone do something Stop the questions in my head Give me the answers The questions rage like fire Help me, please I'm dying inside Let me know he'll be back To hold me once more My heart is breaking My head is pounding My voice strains to call his name My ears ache for his voice I want I need I cry I hurt I love My heart breaks..and dies "Superiority to fate is difficult to learn. 'Tis not conferred by any, but possible to earn"--Emily Dickinson-"Superiority of Fate" |
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| © Copyright 2000 Lavada Miller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
very depressing sis, it has alot of feeling in it and I know your hurting but hey like you said putting your feelings on paper and that helps alot  so smile ! |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
I can totally relate to your poem right now. Keep putting your feelings onto paper like chic says- it does help, even if it's hard to do. Keep up the good work. "Sometimes people care too much. I think it's called love." -Winnie the Pooh |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
This one would do well in the dark poetry forum, nevertheless, I like it! |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
A reply from the Master..now I know how truly great this poem is thanks to all of you for replying! even you sis! "Superiority to fate is difficult to learn. 'Tis not conferred by any, but possible to earn"--Emily Dickinson-"Superiority of Fate" |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
scg: i love the way this poem starts off, but i somehow feel that something is missing in the last stanza... it becomes repetitive and i think that causes it to lose some of its profound meaning... perhaps consider variating the lines in the last stanza (even just a little bit)... i think it would add a lot more to an already wonderful poem... here's an example of what i was thinking of: I want ...need I cry ...hurt I love ...fear My heart breaks ...and without remorse comes Death. (just a suggestion -- you do what you feel makes the poem the most meaningful to you) sincerely, jerome the boy with the catholic saxophone A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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