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Fate's Temptuous Ways...
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Fate's Temptuous Ways... |
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Nights Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 56 |
I've unlaced the binding But the strings are still winding Sealing what's been unlocked And though this love is undying And these tears for you i'm crying I must hide from you each one These words are unspoken These hearts have been broken By fate's temptuous ways Though the doors were closed A tiny flame had arose In which i had been burned The endearment has been floored And i beg to the Lords To enliven it once more... "It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh it's my mouth that pushes out this breath..."-FTE [This message has been edited by Nights (edited 01-22-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Nights - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
I like this alot. Very well put.  (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Great Job! There is alot of imagery in this work and the meter is great, right up until line six. It throws it off there but picks you up again right after that line. Just change that line if you want, and it would be perfect. [This message has been edited by Jer (edited 01-22-2000).] |
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Nights Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 56 |
Thanks for the replies. I appreciate them alot. I have changed the sixth line, and i think it fits better now...but i'm not too sure. Thanks for the suggestion. "It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh it's my mouth that pushes out this breath..."-FTE |
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Star Fairy 2 Member
since 1999-09-06
Posts 260cerritos, california, usa |
great flow you did a great job on this subject matter... Regret for things you did maybe tempered by time, regret for things you Didn't do, however, is inconsolable... -------823------- |
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