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 Please read this. It's important to me.
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Passions in Poetry

Please read this. It's important to me. Please respond.

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Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


0 posted 01-21-2000 04:08 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Allysa

Unwanted Memories

A downpour of memories,
flood within your mind,
and make shadows,
and storms,
and tears fall,
but still you stay silent.

Sharp spears silent,
yet full of memories,
and soon they fall,
out of your mind,
and into someone else they storm,
and make themselves shadows.

One day we'll all be shadows,
and be quite silent,
untill they once again storm,
dreadful memories,
they haunt your mind,
untill finally you fall.

You lways will fall,
and become treaturuss shadows,
in an empty mind.
Everything is silent,
as you wait for more memories,
and sometimes for a storm.

Unforgotton storms,
you wait for them to fall,
to become but memories,
or dark shadows,
but once again they are silent,
in your crowded mind.

Your mind,
a pathway for storms,
with an urge, they remain silent,
waiting impatiently to fall,
to make more shadows,
and unforgetful memories.

No more memories,
no more shadows,
nothing left to fall.
© Copyright 2000 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


1 posted 01-21-2000 04:49 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

This was well wriiten. I have a couple of suggestions though. First, the more you plead for responses the less you will receive. We all want to be responded to and the best way to receive them is to give them. I know you have done this and I am not repremanding you. I would just like you to post a title with your work and see as people read you because it is you nad not because of the request for responses.

Second. You have some speeling mistakes in this piece. It takes away from the quality of the writing. I would suggest a dictionary or have a friend edit it for you before you post. We all make spelling mistakes as well a typo's ( Typo's are my nemesis!)

Over all great work!

Jer
Member
since 12-02-1999
Posts 455
USA


2 posted 01-21-2000 05:18 PM       View Profile for Jer   Email Jer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jer

Great post!  I do agree with Marilyn though.  I have mention this subject before a couple of time here in this forum. Anyway,  good job in all.  If you need help with the spelling just e-mail me ir contact me on ICQ.  I'm always willing to help.
Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


3 posted 11-08-2000 04:15 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

my spelling errrors are just typos. I cna't help it. My fingers move really really fast whenever I type and I just let the magic flow. just addin this to my library

Morning rain fell on my window, and I can't see at all. Even if I could it would all be gray, put your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not
DancinQueen
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-29-2000
Posts 1663
Kokomo,IN,USA


4 posted 02-26-2001 04:08 PM       View Profile for DancinQueen   Email DancinQueen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DancinQueen

yeah the more you ask for replies, the less you'll get. but this was well written. good job

*dq


¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 09-16-2007
Posts 8075
Realm of Supernatural


5 posted 11-15-2007 07:45 PM       View Profile for Artic Wind   Email Artic Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artic Wind

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND
 
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