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| Teen Poetry #2 |
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My First Post |
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edgar_derby New Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 9Edmonton, Alberta, Canada |
Well. This was for high school English so feel free to rip it to shreds. Monday Morning Quarterback I am not a teenage anthem I am not the second gunman I am not a contradiction I am all those things I am all those things I am all those things Until my alarm bell rings. She is just a girl She is just a pretty lady She is not a poster child Not the girl of my dreams But she is all those things She is all those things She is all those things Until my alarm bell rings I think therefore I think I am I see and hear, I’m deaf and dumb I shout and shout and sing in my sleep Until my alarm bell rings I want to be those things I need to be those things I crave those things I’m starving |
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| © Copyright 2000 Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Hi edgar_derby. I will start with a friendly, Welcome to Passions. We’re not here to rip apart others views or there works. I like this writing. It says a little something about what we think about when we dream. We all dream and strive to be more then what and who we are. The only criticism I have it the title. I personally do not see how it fits in. In addition, the title is very mediocre. You need to get the readers attention in order from them to read it. However, this is just a suggestion. Anyway, welcome to Passions. |
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edgar_derby New Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 9Edmonton, Alberta, Canada |
can i respond to posts about my poem? well, the title refers to trying to change the past, or "monday Morning Quarterback"ing. The term is just a little colloquialism. Okey dokey? |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Welcome to Passions! :.) I like this poem.......I can kind of relate, as I am often haunted by realistic dreams....Good work! Vreni |
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The Mike Sacks Member
since 1999-08-29
Posts 129brooklyn ny |
Wow,it was really good,welcome i hope to see more work of urs as enjoyable I wish i were a poet |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I would like to offer an official welcome to Passions. I like this piece very much. You did a good job in writing your thoughts. I will be looking forward to reading more of your work. |
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